A Sunshine too Brief

The Kiss

2011-05-11T09:49:00.001-04:00

Lips' language to lips' ears.

Two drinking each other's heart, it seems.

Two roving loves who have left home,

pilgrims to the confluence of lips.

Two waves rise by the law of love

to break and die on two sets of lips.

Two wild desires craving each other

meet at last at the body's limits.

Love's writing a song in dainty letters,

layers of kiss-calligraphy on lips.

Plucking flowers from two sets of lips

perhaps to thread them into a chain later.

This sweet union of lips

is the playground of a pair of smiles.

~Rabindranath Tagore

Fringe Reviews again (part 1)

2010-07-09T16:45:00.002-04:00

Late but here's my brief review of the last three Fringe Toronto 2010 play I've seen so far.

Dating in a Disposable World:

"Set in the throwaway and pleasure- seeking culture of the “now”, Dating in a Disposable World is a modern translation of the Inuit myth- Skeleton Woman. It is a show that looks at the hopes for permanence in relationship through theatre and song."
So Fringing started rocky when H and I randomly decided to pick this play that was playing within walking distance and a good timeslot. I know Fringe is all about experimenting and seeing something different but this one fell well below the not-so-great-plays I''ve seen in the past 6 years or so at the Fringe. And I have seen some weird stuff- from a one woman act who barely spoke (and she was awesome) to life size home made puppets looking at oil crisis to the story of a suitcase left at a train station. This one was BAD. As one woman acts go, many are a hit or a total miss and this had to be worse than a miss. The writer/performer Zalia Jo might think she was showing us the perils of modern dating, but from the moment she referred to the 'internet' as 'information highway' she lost her audience. No one has called the internet that in 15 years! he character Tiffany was so far off the radar of annoying that I was close to throttling her on stage. Who is that screechy and dumb? Nor does her interleaved story lines give us any insight into the 'so called hedonistic disposable society' or 'love' for that matter. Yes the woman can sing but maybe she should have hired someone else to do the actual writing and had only shown up for the songs.
Steer clear.

Cactus: The Seduction

"Cactus: The Seduction is about searching for love in a desert. Phil's reality is a peripatetic journey with companions. He traipses through life heading towards a mysterious figure in the distance with Uri, a doubtful liar and Eric, a tender Englishman. Along the way Phil periodically falls into a fantasy world where he's a performer in front of an audience. Cactus mixes stand-up, story-telling, characters and dance in an explosion-of-imagination."
Since experimenting left me so deflated (not just because of the heat) I had to go back to my tried the true Fringe tactic. Draw up a list and cross reference with what the reviews are saying. Luckily this one matched up perfectly. If there was a play that showed the true nature of love this one was it. Bonus was that it was wrapped up so much funny that included randomness like scorpions in love and even crowd surfing. You might be too busy laughing to notice, but it was quite smart how Jonno Katz drafted his play which ultimately does seduce the audience into not just joining him along for a crazy ride of physical comedy but also share his earnest efforts at deciphering the nature of love, sex and reality.
A MUST see! Don't worry if the advance tickets are sold out. Go an hour before tho show and you'll get tickets.

Lucky 9

"by TJ Dawe"- thats all we needed to know
I've been duly following Dawe's performances in every Fringe since the 'One Man's LOTR' and its been fascinating observing his evolution from creative plays, to hilarious autobiographical monologues to the philosophical musings undercut with more family anecdotes that he brings with Luky 9 which is a monologue about life. He talked about his childhood, his sister’s knitting and crafting, his mother, his father’s enthusiasm about The Wire, Dr. Gabor Mate’s books and the Enneagram of personality, addictions and chasing dopamine, and his own personal development. Clearly his work is highly anticipated among Fringe circles with good reason. Yes its not his funniest work but it is a lot more memorable this time. At the same time I'm not sure if I'd recommend the play to someone who's never been to a Fringe play. He is still the best at monologues but those expected side splitting laughs might not enjoy it as much.

The Carnegie Hall Show

"Its improv" (thats all the Program said)
The moment I saw the names and faces of Second City alumni Matt Baram and Naomi Snieckus on the cast list of this show, I was hooked and giddy with anticipation. The play doesn't fail at all. As improv shows at the Fringe goes you can't probably find a better one. They took suggestion from the audience(our night was about Miracles) and make a history of the greatest improvised scenes of that event or item. Of course there is no history. They just make it up. The second part of the show is a live 1940s radio drama, complete with commercials. The cast has the best thing that is elementary to great improv- chemistry and restraint. They were great at picking up cues to the the story as they went along and killed lazy ones quickly before everyone caught on. It was magic. To go back to a comparison with 'Dating', there was two entire songs that were performed on the Carnegie Hall Show which were amazing!
Another must see!

Next on the list is 'Double Double' 'Pick of the Fringe' and 'Factcheck'. I'll try and review them as I see them.

10 'Awesome' things

2010-05-10T12:53:00.033-04:00

In light of this book coming out soon, I wanted to come up with my list of 10 awesome things that cheer up a bad day instantly. For me, in no particular order, would be it.

10. Getting caught in the rain: Not the chilly showers or light drizzles..but the summer downpour that floods the sidewalks, letting you wade in wearing your flip-flops. You come home all drenched but not chilled to the bone. Bonus if the rain continues and you are now sitting inside all warm listening to sound of rain. Love!

9. First sip of coffee of the day: Its now a ritual for me and pretty much makes the day. I find that even if its take out coffee, I have to find a quiet spot to sit down, take a moment, breathe in that wonderful aroma, imagining the semi sweet taste of it before I take a small cautious sip. Bliss.

8. Hanging your hand out of the window of a car and doing the wave thing: Letting the air lift and push your hands and pretend you are flying. So much better when you are at the back seat of the car with windows that go down all the way!

7. Dangling your feet in water: Clearly I'm attached to water. I love the soothing feeling when you drop your bare, aching feet into some cool, waiting water from edge of the dock, side of the boat, pool or a sandy beach.

6. Walking around enjoying an ice-cream cone on a summer day: A cup will not do. It has to be on a waffle cone :)

5. When babies get all comfy and rest their head on your shoulder, ready for a nap: And just like that you know that you've made it. You've made this tiny person trust you to take care of them. Not to mention its prime spot to take in all the wonderful baby smell.

4: Hearing an old favourite song on the radio: Like an old Madonna song, Ace of Base or George Micheal. Did I just age myself there? Never mind. Basically songs that you loved as a pre-teen/teen and know all the words to. Probably danced to in your room with the door locked, pretending you were in that music video. No one? Fine. Keep denying ;)

3. Just out of the dryer sheets: They smell so soft and warm to touch. Perfect to roll around in. Clearly my cat thinks the same too.

2. Funny Gchat conversations with friends when we could have easily picked up the phone: You know the kind. Where you have your Gchat open at work or when you are clearly running late for something at home and should close the chat, just then your friends decide to share something hilarious and you are far too caught up in the impromptu conversation+ trying not to giggle out loud(that would be a work).

1. Signing your name on a foggy window: Its like a compulsion. No fogged up windows are safe from my hands. I have to sign my name and then draw a smiley face for added benefit. There doesn't seem to be any support group for this. Oh well. I guess you'll have to drive away with my name on your car!

My writing..

2010-04-13T17:32:00.003-04:00

Writing
- Jerome D'Costa

I want to write.
I will write.
I will definitely write.

But I can't write.
I just cannot write.
I cannot write at all.

Credit : 3rd World View

Yes: March 1st-7th

2010-03-08T08:14:00.047-05:00

First week down.
Things I have said yes to so far-

- Going to a Bob McFarrin concert without any idea who that is. Ever heard..

Don't Worry Be Happy

Google says thats his song. How cool!
Result: His March 27th show turned out to be sold out. But atleast now I know one more singer than I did before. Everybody with me now.."Don't worry (nod head) Be Happy"

-Thursday was West Queen West Art + Design Walk, a free tour organized by this group and the agenda was...

"Discover art, architecture, and the secret spots and neighbourhood gems only a knowledgeable local could show you."

Result: It was really cool, surprisingly. Thanks H for the invite! We saw some 'interesting' contemporary 'art'. I've put art in quotations because gluing the pages of old paperbacks and lining them up on a shelf is hardly art in my books. But then, thats contemporary art for you- you never get it until someone explains it to you. Apparently in this case it represented the struggle that the artist, a Korean import, faced while moving to Canada with not being able to read books in English. Together now- "um right'. Still, there were many cute stores that we surfed through, got a bit of history lesson+complimentary beer from Green Shag (who make quirky cuff lings) Some stores that I'm definitely coming back to, like 'Type bookstore' and 'Magic Pony', ...many more that we walked by. Unfortunately I forgot to bring the camera along. So, had to wait till I got home.
Are you ready for it?

I went to WestQueenWest and all I bought back(for my brother) is

Yep! a mobile Sumo Wrestler.

creeepyy...and totally something my brother will find hilarious.Hopefully.
I forget sometimes that he's 20yrs old !

Thankfully we missed a contemporary dance performance at one of the galleries and ended the night with some complimentary Argentinian Yerba Mate tea , courtesy of the friendly people at El Almacen Yerba Mate Cafe. The (lightly caffeinated, vitamin enriched) tea is drunk from a gourd pot like this-

Cute eh?

- Lastly, a YES for 'Avatar' not winning best picture or director at the Oscars last night. I know it was a question or suggestion....but thats what I blurted out while watching the show at Drake. I havn't seen 'Hurt Locker' but the fact that 'Avatar' (which I've seen) didn't win best picture, made the best moment in the otherwise 'dull-unfunny' Oscars that we had this year.

Affirmitive

2010-03-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

In light of the semi-success of my february project, I have decided that for 2010 I will have monthly resolutions instead of the yearly. Meaning, I have another self-awareness project for March. I took a page out of my friend H's 2010 resolution for this.
Are you ready?

For the month of March, I will say Yes.

To anything and everything.*

This include suggestions, questions, propositions, invitations, actions, events...you name it....and I'll say 'yes' to it. There will be weekly reports on here about the varied things I have said "yes" to and if/what effect it had on me.

So friends, family members, blog followers- hit me with your best and weirdest suggestions.

Sky is the not the limit.

*Exceptions are things that could be physically or emotionally harmful to others or to me, situations that could lead to a reconciliation between my sister and I, and actions that are beyond me financially.

Who's your daddy, USA?

2010-02-28T23:37:00.001-05:00

Canada! Thats who :)
We had been saving seats at JackAstors on front since an hour before the game started. It was sheer madness inside with hockey fans and everyone dressed in patriotic reds. It got intense when US scored a second time in the last 20 seconds of the third round, tying the score. I think got even more nauseous with anxiety. Unusual for a non-sport fan like me. But 7 minutes into over-time Crosby scored a win!
And just like that Canada won Hockey gold for the first time on home-soil for Winter Olympics. We also won the most number of gold medals for any host country in the history of Winter Olympics. How cool is that? This must be how USA feels all the time!

As we poured onto front street, we were faced with hundreds of fans like these.

Then we walked up along Yonge, hi-fiving other fans on the sidewalks, pouring onto the streets with EVERY car honking along to cheer us on and random renderations of the national anthem.

R and I posing with the flag and some random hockey fan!

Until we hit Dundas square...and saw more.

The party is still going on as I type.

Speak!

2010-02-27T13:21:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago at a gathering at my place, someone pointed to my collection of books in Bengali and asked: "Can you really read them?"

For a second, I was tempted to mess with her and say. "No, I keep them for decorative purposes!"

I didn't, but I'm always surprised at why people find it weird that I am fluent enough in another language to read entire novels written in a script so entirely different from English. Clearly, I have a non-Canadian accent when I speak English, meaning English is NOT my first language. So why should I not be bilingual? And why should I not display my first language, that which my mother spoke to me, with pride? We all should.

I was reminded of this incident very recently since the 21st of February, which just passed, was celebrated as UNESCO's "InternationalMother Language Day" across the world. It has been observed yearly since 2000 to promote linguistic and cultural diversity and multilingualism across the world. It is of particular significance to me because the proposal to declare the particulars of this day was sent by Bangladesh - the country of my birth and the country that fought for the right of its people to speak the language of their parents, Bengali.

For Bangladesh, formally East Pakistan, the fight for the Mother Language was a fight for identity as well as against oppression. With the creation of state of Pakistan in 1945, it was decreed that "Urdu, and only Urdu" would remain as the official state language of Pakistan. This decision was faced with immediate criticism from the Bengali-speaking majority living in East Pakistan because with one state language, the educated society of East Pakistan who spoke Bengali, would become "illiterate" and "ineligible" for government positions. Furthermore, the protesters against one official language were labeled as "Enemies of the State" for choosing to preserve their language and culture over the integrity and sovereignty of their nation. The government invoked a limited curfew against the provincial strike of university students across East Pakistan who called for Bengali to be recognized as the second official language of Pakistan. Protests were tamed down so as to not break the curfew. However, on February 21, 1952, the police fired on a group of young university students despite their peaceful protests and a number were killed. It started a wave of dissent and widespread protests across the province, until Bengali was officially accepted as a second official language of Pakistan in 1954. This is the monument built in the honor of the young souls do died during the movement.

This Language Movement had a major cultural impact on the Bengali speaking population of Pakistan. Some historians have put it down as the beginnings of the internal conflict that ended with a civil war between the two sections of Pakistan and ultimately, the creation of the nation of Bangladesh in 1971. Throughout the entire time of the conflict until the present time, the 21st of February has been celebrated as Language Movement Day or Shohid Dibosh(Martyrs' Day) in Bangladesh and has inspired the development and celebration of the Bengali language, literature and culture. A month-long event called the Ekushey Book Fair is held every year to commemorate the movement, the likes of which I'm yet to see anywhere. To take the message about the importance of preserving languages to a more global level, Bangladesh officially sent a proposal to UNESCO to declare February 21st "International Mother Language Day"; it was supported unanimously at the 30th General Conference of UNESCO held on November 17, 1999.

So why is it important to preserve our mother language? Well, languages are the most powerful instruments of preserving and developing our tangible and intangible heritage. All movements to promote the dissemination of mother tongues will serve not only to encourage linguistic diversity and multilingual education but also to develop fuller awareness of linguistic and cultural traditions throughout the world and to inspire solidarity based on understanding, tolerance and dialogue.

I have not noticed much celebration of "International Mother Language Day" in Canada, which quite surprises me. In Canada, the historic struggle between French and English colonizers to possess the "New World" resulted in the establishment of two "official" languages - English and French. Although they compete for use with many other languages, they still remain the two dominant languages of the country and that says a great deal about Canada's history, culture and heritage. The importance of preserving a mother language can only become more essential as Canada as a country becomes more and more multicultural. Unfortunately, the opposite happens. New immigrants arrive in Canada with their own mother languages and they are quite often made fun of because the way they speak English or French sounds "weird/different", when their multilingualism should be applauded. First generation immigrants, feeling the pressure to sound more "Canadian", also end up not doing enough to preserve the rich heritage of their languages and don't always pass it on to their next generations. I place myself among those people when I chat up my nephews in English more and more frequently.

Being bi or multilingual should not make you "less Canadian"; it should make you more so because it truly represents the sprit of openeness that's supposed to exist in Canada. There are other benefits of being bi or multilingual as well. Recently, there has been a study by a scientist at the Baycrest Centre in Toronto which showed that being bilingual can delay the onset of Alzheimer's disease by a few years!
I, for one, would like to see "International Mother Language Day" celebrated with great gusto in Canada to truly appreaciate the rich heritage of our people, freshly arrived or not.

The Photojournal project

2010-01-31T23:45:00.000-05:00

Okay people, since I like the layout of wordperss better for pictures, I've set up separate blog for the February Photo Journal project.
Check it out starting Feb 1st.
Go on. Be ruthless in your comments.
Tell me I suck.
You know you want to.

Defibrillation (part 2)

2010-01-28T16:55:00.001-05:00

Defibrillation (part 2):- Where a 26 year old me drops by the apartment, finds me laying around on the sofa watching an episode of Big Bang Theory for the third time and decides to act like my mother and get me off it.
Essentially annoy the hell out of me.

Tazzy from 2005: Wake up wake up! Its Twenty Ten! Start of a new decade!
Tazzy now: Who gives a F*** ?
Tazzy from 2005- My God! Sulky much?
Tazzy now: No. Bored, uninspired, sad, angry, fatalist maybe. But not sulky.
Tazzy from 2005: Is that why you haven't put up any 'New Years Resolution' post on this blog like you do every year? Remember when you did it the first time?
Tazzy now: I didn't do it every year. Wait, I did.
Tazzy from 2005: Yes, You've been doing that for half a decade. You can't stop now.
Tazzy now: Seriously? Half a decade? Gawd I'm lamer than I thought.
Tazzy from 2005: Its not lame. It gets you doing stuff and keeps you sane. And lamer is not a word. I thought your writing would improve by now.
Tazzy now: Why would you think that? I have no talent. You knew that.
Tazzy from 2005: Oh stop being such a whiny baby. Think of some resolutions and put it up.
Tazzy now: I don't want to.
Tazzy from 2005: Yes you do. Now quick, before it hits February.
Tazzy now: Why? Who cares if its February?
Tazzy from 2005: I do. You always get more down in Jan and Feb. Moping around the place, staying in, avoiding people, acting all depressed when you know its all SAD.
Tazzy now:*muttering under her breath* Do you have a point? Or are you here just to yell at me.
Tazzy from 2005: Oh I know what your resolution can be. You can find a way to make the rest of winter more bearable. Get a project for that time. It'll keep you busy and you'll learn something. Like when you took up French, then salsa dancing or the gym.
Tazzy now: I don't want to do any of them. And I do have a project already. I am making a wall hanging using the first Saree my dad bought me.
Tazzy from 2005: Yeah? How is that going? Done yet?
Tazzy now: Well I have the pieces and the bamboo stick its supposed to go on. I just have to cut out the loops and stitch it.
Tazzy from 2005: So you have done nothing. Why are you even doing it? You hate stitching. Find something else. Look at this blog - She's so creative and fun. Making her own sunshine.
Tazzy now: I am not crafty like her!
Tazzy from 2005: Well true. But remember a week ago? When you couldn't find any of your bookmarks or any nice ones in the store and you made a bunch of your own bookmarks using old greeting cards, construction paper and string?
Tazzy now: Thats hardly a project, Ms Wise ass. Plus I don't need anymore bookmarks.
Tazzy from 2005: But didn't it make you feel better? Doing something? Instead of watching TV/movie on the computer until your eyes hurt or you fell asleep?
Tazzy now: Yes. It did.
Tazzy from 2005: There you go. You could do something that's a bit more ongoing. Something you could do every day. Something you'd actually like. And, to be honest. Those bookmarks are not half bad. Have you shown them to anyone?
Tazzy now: Why would I do that? What is this? Facebook? Take a picture of every lame thing and post it so people can say 'cute' ? What am I? 26?
Tazzy from 2005: Pictures! OMG you could take pictures!
Tazzy now: What are you talkinga about?
Tazzy from 2005: Take pictures. One every day for the month of February and post it on here. Like a photo journal of things that you like about February.
Tazzy now: You might be onto something there. I love my new camera and I like photo editing. Plus I barely take pictures anymore ever since I've gotten all fat and ugly. Oh gawd. Maybe I should make 'being thinner' my resolution.
Tazzy from 2005: Please. Thats so cliche.
Tazzy now: And a photo journal isn't? Its 2010, loser. Everyone has one.
Tazzy from 2005: Touche. But you don't. Come on, it'll be fun. Try and make it creative. Don't go taking pictures of your morning coffee everyday.
Tazzy now: Hey! I like my morning coffee routine, sitting by my big windows,Tusch curled up near my feet, looking out to the city that I love.
Tazzy from 2005: City? They are building a freaking condo across the street. You can't make those construction cranes look interesting in pictures.
Tazzy now: You wanna bet? Feb 1st- first creative picture from my window of the construction cranes.
Tazzy from 2005: You are ON!

*Tazzy from 2005 walking away grinning to herself, "I'm so gullible"*

Avatar Fail

2010-01-11T17:14:00.001-05:00

I had no intention of seeing this movie in the first place in the theatre. The special effects can't match a highly predictable storyline that was pretty much all revealed in the trailer. I mean at least '2012' wasn't taking itself seriously, while Avatar thinks its being revolutionary by exploring the 'white man's guilt'. Clearly its not.

And now I'm definitely not watching it for free online after reading this! I'm still sure it'll break some box office records by the sheer force of people who want to be in the 'loop'. I mean sure it might have ground breaking special effects, but wouldn't you rather see it play out in a movie that has a watchable story?

Gumdrops

2009-12-17T08:45:00.003-05:00

Is it weird that seeing this makes me feel like Gretel? Best use of gingerbread theme EVER!

-Toronto Fire Station at Front and Sherbourne (Image from Daily Dose of Imagery)

Whats up with the banana in the window though? Even Our work Christmas tea-thingi for hospital staff had this bowl of fruits out along with trays and trays of cookies and decadent desserts! Is it some underground movement by health fanatics to infiltrate our yearly tradition of indulgence? Can we have not one time in our year when we eat guilt-free? Sheesh people. I can have banana anytime..but I don't get to enjoy icing and candycanes everyday. I know what I'm putting in my mouth. Either join me or shut the Eff up and eat your apple.

*Humming Jingle Bell rocks*

Defibrillation continues.

2009-11-17T12:35:00.002-05:00

Goal: Writing a story in 10 minutes without editing for content.
Instruction: It should start with- "Now you are an accomplice", he said.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Now you are an accomplice", he said as he put on his socks. "This stays between just the two of us".
She nodded and wished for the second time that she had never walked into his room.
"I really should have known better that this would happen", she thought to herself.
"Its cold out. Do you have your socks on?" he asked.
She knew that is not why he wanted her to wear them but she lifted up her right foot and showed him anyway. They had done this before, she knew the drill.

As she followed him down the stairs, she was briefly thankful that she wasn't going in first this time. She could only hope that maybe they will believe that it was his idea if they got caught. But deep down in her gut she knew that they will still blame her. She was older after all.

She tried to catch his sleeves when they reached the bottom of the stairs but he moved too fast. There was nothing to more to do than follow the light instead. As they stopped in front of the jar, she put her hand on his shoulder and said, "I think Mommy put chocolate chunks in this time".

Defibrillation of this space

2009-11-16T12:47:00.003-05:00

Someone explain to me what is up with the Twitter craze!

Unless you are Obama or George Clooney...(insert gratuitous picture of Clooney snapped at the TIFF this year...

.....not by someone who lives right across the theatre his movie premiered in- ME.
Nope.
By someone who wasn't, at that moment, in a lineup to see another movie that she had free tickets to.
Not Bitter. At All.)

uumm...what was I saying?

Oh yeah. What makes you think that anyone wants to know the status updates to your life constantly in 140 characters or less?!
*dramatic pause*
In other news, today's post will be a Twitter.
Here goes capturing my rants in 140 characters or less.

*cracks knuckles*
*ouch*(forget it, can't crack knuckles)
*stretching fingers to prevent cramping*

________________________________________________

When did it become okay to wear tights as pants? With boots and a jacket so short that I can see you sashaying in front of me. Did I mention she was a Hijabi Muslim woman?
5:24pm Nov 2 From TazzyTweets
________________________________________________

Take that, people who think Twitter is replacing blogs! That was 139 characters minus spaces.
You know what? I'll add one more.

"WTF"

There, now its 140.
Happy?
Annoyed?

Comment back in 7 characters or less!

Two out of four isn't bad, right?

2009-10-07T09:28:00.001-04:00

Remember back in January when I made four resolutions for 2009?
Yeah me neither.
(Hint for lazy ones-Look at #2)

Then over summer they came back to me-
-Become a size 8
-Get involved in more volunteer work
-Start a second blog on a totally different topic
-Acquire and keep three house plants alive in the new apartment

Well I'm pleased as a nectarine (coz I'm not crazy about peaches) to announce that by sheer coincidence I was able to cross out two of them at once!
Yep, I started volunteering for METRAC (The Metropolitan Action Committee on Violence Against Women and Children) and guess what I'm helping them with? Starting up and contributing to their Blog!

Check it out here!
Do give it as much love as you've given this space.
It is not your average organizational blog on sad feminist issues. The hope is to share 'stories and opinion on current issues, inform about METRAC’s innovative work and initiatives in Toronto and across Canada, and ultimately inspire involvement and action to make our world safer for women, youth, and children, safer for everyone.'
Don't forget to leave comments there and spread the word :)

On with mission #1 to become size 8, I have joined a boot camp(thanks to Isheeta for inspiration) for a month.
First class:
Time- Yesterday evening
Location: At a school compound in pouring rain and 8degrees Celsius!
Verdict: I was wheezing after one lap around the school and crying for my arms that were pathetically trying to do pushups. Not a pretty sight. Thank god for the lack of mirrors.
Still it was kinda fun doing it outdoors among a group of encouraging women, even the size 2 ones who were complaining about getting on the weight machine! Bitches.

Two out of four and it only took me 10 months!

PS: Sadly, mission #4 has been on hold since summer when I realized I don't like touching dirt. Even with gloves.

ME Meals challenge

2009-07-29T19:09:00.001-04:00

You remember how bad my cooking skills were four years ago right? Well its gotten better and infact I had been meaning to write (ahem boast) about what I learnt in the last four years about cooking. Then I came across 'Special K''s post about the challenges of 'cooking for one'. Apparently chefs "cite measuring obstacles, portion doubts, paring problems and presentation apathy". I have been 'cooking for one' for about 5 years now and comparing to making meals for a family when I was living with the parents, I couldn't agree more. Not only is cooking for one hard, but so is grocery shopping. I have lost count of how many times I have had to throw out veggies I bought in a bout of inspiration, until a friend suggested makign veggie stock to freeze and use it for soups later. That didn't work out so well but now I just know how much to buy for a week and also stock up the pantry with things that are quick to prepare but also healthy. Being near so many fresh fruit/veggie vendors help of course. I also had to learn how to plan most of the meals (lunch and diner) for the week so I only have to cook all of it once and still account for dinner out with friends.

As a part of K's challenge to write about 'what you eat or crave eat when you eat alone', here's a ME meal that I make often as its easy to prepare and a comfort dish for me.
It is a Bangladeshi dish called 'Khichuri' which means 'hodge podge of things'. It is commonly prepared during rainy days when no one feels like spending hours in the kitchen or going out to buy fresh grocery. It can be made with stuff at home and reminds me a lot of my childhood when rainy days meant quality time with the parents and siblings- playing board games and enjoying quiet times.

Recipe:

2 cups of Basmati Rice
1 cup of split orange lentils
1 cup onions chopped
2 green chillies (split in half)
1 tsp cumin powder
1/3 tsp turmeric powder
1/3 tsp red chili powder
1 tsp chopped garlic
Salt (little more than just to taste)

Mix everything together in a rice cooker pot and add 6 cups of water. Cook until the rice is more on the 'mushy' side. Serve hot with a side of an omelet prepared with sliced onions and green chillies. Some people like it with a dash of clarified butter on the rice, I don't. I make a quick tomatoes-onion-crushed red chili flakes-olive oil salad to go with it. The sweetness of the tomato really goes well with the spiciness of the dish, even though spicy food is probably my biggest weakness. Its easy and can be made within 20 minutes for a healthy and hearty meal for one. You can even add veggies to the rice and cook it all in the same pot if you want to make it a even filling meal.

(I had some left over beef curry to go with the Khichuri this time :)

The post where Tazzy obsesses about a TV show (again)

2009-07-22T23:27:00.002-04:00

Didn't think it was possible to catch up on 5 seasons of a TV show in the course of two months, but yep, I did it. All 103 episodes of it. Online streaming.

"Lost" was THAT good.

It is not just an incredibly scripted storyline that is easy to get obsessed about. It also epitomises popular archetypes and real-world issues that are more tangible than a 'love triangle. Yes, I do realise that all this makes me sound like all the millions of sci fi Battlestar Gallactica fans who say nutty things like "its just not about space travel", but I don't care. Its smart, action packed, mysterious, angst filled, scary, puzzling, sad and ofcourse has all the 'romance stuff'...packed packed in just the right amount. The storyline does get madcap right around the fifths season with ancient gods travelling through time, just to buy a 8 year old a 'New Kids On the Block' lunchbox so she doesn't steal it. But the thing that keeps it all afloat that the creators are very aware of how madcap it all sounds and and are having so much fun doing it because they are as equally obsessed with the show as its viewers.

I don't think the creators of Lost intend it to be this way, but one of my favourite 'lesson' of the show has to be
- just how many times we can be wrong about a gut feeling of 'This was meant to be!'.
I seriously never noticed how often we think (or may be just me) like that.

Locke thinking that "crashing on the Island, finding the hatch, pushing the button , the Island choosing him to lead the Others ...all of it were meant to be" and repeatedly being knocked over the head with "No! you dolt, you were wrong" signs might be fantastic fiction but none of us have to crash a plane on a time travelling island to do that. Seeing the same person around the city twice in the same month could have us scratching our heads and thinking we are fated to be married under the stars when the person might be the Mad Hatter!
The incredible part is that just like the rest of us, Locke and all the Oceanic people just pick them selves up and forge ahead with the next harebrained plan, no matter how many times their 'gut feeling' just kicks them in the shin.
How can you resist watching it?

January 2010 could not come sooner!

PS: Lost also has the most kickass Time Travel theory that I've ever seen in fiction!
PPS: Did I mention the insanely hot, shirtless testosterone loaded bodies in the show that are running in and out of the water, dashing throug the jungle, contemplating getting rescued and growing a scuffy but kinda hot beard? Consider yourself warned. The women are just as equally hot..but not shirtless ofcourse...just the right amount of tanktop/bikini tops over jeans combo to keep the guys interested.
PPPS: AAh "Jack, how misunderstood and beautiful you are"

Things I wish I knew at 21

2009-05-25T12:30:00.004-04:00

As of today, I'm exactly 31 years and 1 month old.
You'd think I'd be 'essentially freaking out' by now.
You would be right.
A decade ago I'm not sure, if even I, had planned to be 31, single and still without a 'goal in life' to speak of. But here I am, exactly that but somehow not 'freaking out'. Is that an appropriate response?
Its not that I'm calm or content. Definitely not that. I am more 'accepting of difficult situations and people as natural process of life' and less 'God hates me and thats why he's putting me through this.' Its not maturity as such. I am just less naive and a little more gutsy now than when I was at 21 and opefully a little more capable of handling chaos. Is that how most women feel in their 30s? or are they supposed to wish they were 20, which I definitely don't?

Sure, I look back to my 20s with fondness and little nostalgia. At the same time, I just wish when I was, say 21, someone had told me these 7 things to save myself some precious time and wasted energy.

1. You are at least ten times prettier and thinner than you think you are.
I say this , not to sing my own praise but, out of a very objective analysis of these pics of me with my friends. Even with unfortunate fashion sense, we look beautiful and radiant with a glow that only a 21 can have without makeup or done up hair. I vividly recall how obsessed I was about my weight and thinking it to be the ONLY reason guys were not falling over themselves to ask me out. Clearly it was not so. I wasn't skinny but you know I wasn't as fat as I thought I was either!

2. If you don't have it all yet, pretend like you do.
I'm talking about faking confidence. All those jobs that I didn't apply for or dates I didn't go on because I thought I wasn't knowledgeable enough or interesting enough, all I had to do is pretend that I was and not be nervous or afraid. Believe that I am capable. A few times of pretending and you know what? It disappears!

3. Take care of your skin and hair every single day.
"Make sure you remove the day's makeup every night, get facials and use oil treatments for hair at least once a month",my mother used to say. She might have been wrong about the benefits of toner (none) but she was right about the rest!

4. Wish you could learn to dance or ride a bike? Start now! Its NEVER too late.
This one holds true for all ages. At 21, you are quite self-conscious and worried that your friends will think you are lame. So you pass out on so many opportunities to learn things outside your school curriculum, some of it even offered for free! I have lost count on the number of times I hesitated in front of postings on dance classes by the athletic centre or camera club meetings at the Hart House. I should have just gone in!

5. Pay attention to your body. If you feel ill and you know you don't have a physical reason to be, you are probably in a situation that you shouldn't be.
We underestimate the importance of emotional health in this society. You might be able to ignore what your mind and/or your friends and family are saying about a bad situation for a while. But if its making you unhappy for a long time, eventually your body will start to show it and you will not be able to ignore it.

6. Feeling impatient and not being very nice to people ? You just need a snack.
This one is just like #5 only on a smaller scale. It could be just me but I'm beginning to think its a woman thing. Irritability not because of PMS but low blood sugar. It doesn't have to be a meal, just some sugar for your brain cells cause they are tired. Now I keep a cereal bar or gum with me at all times.

7. Your parents were wrong. Friends ARE as important as family.
Like many other opinions of theirs about career goals (What can you do with a Biology degree!) this one was very wrong as well. Great friendships are something to treasure and who says you can't be friends with your family as well?!

Notable mentions
- Being all girly/woman is not as sign of weakness.
- You can't be good at everything
- Dating is not for finding 'The One' but to find out 'if you are The One for someone'

Pearls of wisdom ? Hardly.
But you know, it would have helped!

Success stories from Bangladesh

2009-03-17T09:03:00.004-04:00

The folks from BRAC informed me about an inspiring, tell-all book about their evolution of that is coming out this April. The book is called ' Freedom from Want' , available to pre-order through Amazon and looks quite interesting.
BRAC is an anti-poverty organizations Bangladeshi organization and well known most Bangaldeshis. They do some amazing work on the grassroots level in Bangladesh in their efforts to eradicate poverty and encourage traditional craftsmanship as a means of income for women living below poverty line. Unlike the Nobel Prize winning Grameen Bank, the microcredit giant, its cousin BRAC is barely known outside the country. Even in Bangladesh the extent of BRAC's work is most commonly noted through its shop AARONG that sells traditional Bangladeshi ware through sponsorship of craftsmen/women. Their products are available here though the Ten Thousand Villages.

Author Ian Smillie of Freedom From Want predicts the spread of BRAC's work dwarfs any other private, government or non-profit enterprise in its impact on development, on women, on children and on thousands of communities in Asia and Africa. I had only heard of BRAC's work in Bangladesh, so I would be quite interested to know how its spread to Africa!

Excerpt from Amazon:
Freedom From Want traces BRAC’s evolution from a small relief operation indistinguishable from hundreds of others, into what is undoubtedly the largest and most variegated social experiment in the developing world. BRAC’s story shows how social enterprise can trump corruption and how purpose, innovation and clear thinking can overcome the most entrenched injustices that society can offer. It is a story that ranges from distant villages in Bangladesh to New York’s financial district on 9/11, from war-torn Afghanistan to the vast plains of East Africa and the ruins of Southern Sudan. Partly an adventure story, partly a lesson in development economics, partly an examination of excellence in management, the book describes one of the world’s most remarkable success stories, one that has transformed disaster into development and despair into hope.

In the words of its author Ian Smillie, “The book is about social enterprise – not neat ideas that can never be replicated. It is about inspired innovations in health, education, agriculture and income generation that contribute to lasting change for tens and hundreds of thousands of people. It is about individuals who see challenge where others see only hopelessness, people who see opportunity where others see peril.”

'In the future all books will be Blank'

2009-02-11T12:20:00.001-05:00

E-books into PDAs, iPhones and Ebook Readers.
You've heard the buzz and no doubt even checked it out.
When you first think about it- its kinda cool!! Having watched the movie recently, I was able to 'legally' read the entire short story of 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' online (which is infinitely better than the movie, check it out) and happy to have discovered it. At the same time, there's something vaguely off putting about the whole thing, that I hadn't felt with online music which I had welcomed with open arms.

Sure we have the technology for e-books and it might be convenient in ways vending machines are; but does it automatically make it a good idea? Vending machines are for snacks, not for a meal (unless you are starving college student) and even those snacks are not something that is good for you all the time. It was weird to think that this this e-book hype might actually take off and publishers would consider it as a serious alternative for readers like me who happen to spend an inordinate amount of time in front of a computer screen! I mean sure, I see it's appeal for anyone who has complained of carrying around even a paperback copy of 'A Suitable Boy' or the entire edition 'Lord of the Rings'. I get it! They are heavy! I might just LOVE curling in with a big book over a weekend but not everyone does. At the same time, surely not everyone wants to carry their really expensive PDAs to the beach or the pool on a vacation, do they?! (if you do, I'm sorry but you are a sad sad person).

Maybe its not such a big deal, I thought. They are just options for people to consider. I didn't properly get the 'bigger implications' of this technology, until I came across someone who put it most 'effectively and eloquently'.

Toronto novelist Shaun Smith writes in his blog :

"The grand mystical puzzle tormenting every MBA suit in the publishing industry is how to capitalize on e-books without fucking themselves the way the music industry did.......the suits don't care about books they just want to find a portable interface that people will buy en masse. Then, just as is now the case with music, rather than buying an object—a book—you will buy participation in an agreement. Rather than having something on your shelf in your den that you can pick up and materially call your own, you will have a license to interact with a digitized version of someone else’s intellectual property. You won’t own books, you will own contracts."

"With the enthusiastic help of the profit hungry, the internet and computers are muscling their way between those two, slowly prying the printed word away from the page. From this one can imagine a bizarre Borgesian future in which all books are blank."

What a frightening prospect!! Please someone stop it! Not all technology needs our money!

A Katharine

2009-01-27T12:00:00.001-05:00

You Are a Katharine!

You are a Katharine -- "I am happy and open to new things"

Katharines are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

* Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
* Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
* Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
* Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
* Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
* Don't tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Katharine

* being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
* being spontaneous and free-spirited
* being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
* being generous and trying to make the world a better place
* having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
* having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Katharine

* not having enough time to do all the things I want
* not completing things I start
* not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
* having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
* feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship

Katharines as Children Often

* are action oriented and adventuresome
* drum up excitement
* prefer being with other children to being alone
* finesse their way around adults
* dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up

Katharines as Parents

* are often enthusiastic and generous
* want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
* may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

New year's resolution (part 2)

2009-01-06T11:47:00.002-05:00

For 2009, I have the usual resolutions to lose weight, do something productive like volunteering and writing etc, but couldn't think of anything new until now. But I need all your good vibes for this one.

Wait

For

It

"I want to adopt three house plants and make sure they live to see January 2010"

Why the drama? Well, you might not know this but I have the blackest of thumbs. Meaning- not only do I kill off any plants that I'm held responsible for, but even plants that I offer as gifts to others! My problem is that I just never remember to water plants - if only they could make sounds and drag me to the watering jug like Tusch does when his bowl is empty. I've had a strict rule for avoiding nursaries and telling my parents to never leave me in charge of their plants.

Now my apartment has these beautiful windows and corners that will be perfect for plants which is making me rethink. A new year means doing something new for me. So I will attempt to raise three plans and not kill them. I'm thinking of naming them -

- Blinky (coz its cute),

- Pinky (coz my parents might have given me that nickname to match my sister's, so that's me in an alternate universe) and
- Paulo (named by Sim for 'Paulo the midget')

I figure if I can remember to water one, I can do three at once.

If anyone has any suggestion for plants that are easy to take care of and not poisonous to cats (in fact not attractive to cats period)- please please please leave me a comment!
Thanks and pray for my three future plant babies!

9 random things about going into 2009

2009-01-06T09:08:00.002-05:00

Best thing about 2009 so far has been my move into a cute downtown apartment with a fantastic view! This time I actually have some matching furniture (thanks Soph) and I'm still reeling from the shock. But it comes with a price, coz I'm really missing my mother (I know, total loser).. hoping she's doing alright with a totally empty nest.

I have also given up on making sense of what all the awful BS of 2008 meant and just hoping 2009 is even marginally better. So here's the transition in nines-

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Watched 9 naked boys, singing and dancing on stage (no not that kind of a show, it was a Broadway musical!)

2. Did you make any new year’s resolutions that you actually intend to keep in 2009?
I'm hoping to be a size 8 for my birthday. To achieve it I've put both myself and my cat on a diet! I can't bear to find out just how much I've gained, but poor Tusch had quite the difficulty fitting in his carrier for the move. I'm also once again resolving to get involved in more volunteer work. Lastly, I want to start a second blog on a totally different topic.

3. What countries did you visit last year?
United States (twice)

4. In 2008, what was the best book you read?
Its hard to say which one I liked better, but I loved Miriam Toews's "A Complicated Kindness" and Rabindranath's "Home and the World"

5. What was your favorite film of 2008?
"Amal" *update: and"Wall-E"

6. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year?
Yes and I'm still trying to forgive.

7. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter but richer thanks to living at home and saving.

8. What did you get really, really, really excited about last year?
Obama winning the US elections

9. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A positive perspective

What would be your answer to#9?

Three reviews

2008-12-08T23:19:00.004-05:00

Rachel Getting Married

If I was still the type of girl to take things personally, I would like to slap the pretentious TIFF reviewers who are recommending this movie and sprouting lines like how it was Anne Hathaway's potentially Oscar-worthy performance.

To me this was a movie that was made for the sake of making a movie.
It was shot like a home video which I'm guessing is suppose to make us delve into the movie and become part of it. Here's what I got out of it.
"oo look at us - we are a dysfunctional family.
Oooo pity our 'impossibly-affluent-suburban-problems'.
Look we are 'progressive' WASPs, we like world music, have interracial marriages and wear sarees for the wedding for no apparent reason at all.
Btw again did you notice all the different types of music and famous musicians we brought it at the 'rehearsal dinner'....no? here is it again , extended edition, at the wedding."

Waching the movie was like attending an incredibly boring wedding where you are not allowed to leave early with an excuse of work. There is no alcohol to make it more enjoyable into and you can't even dance as you are glued to the chair and forced to watch others dancing.

As for Hathaway's performance, it was basically your run off the mill I-didn't-look-pretty-I-squinted-to-show-how-tormented-I-am-did-you-notice-how-unlikable-my-character-was-so-would-you-hurry-up-with-the golden-statue? Or maybe because I don't think she's all that of an actress.

**/***** for the shock effects of raw displays of emotions within a family.

Amal

Amal must be sleeper hit of TIFF cause I definitely did not come across much publicity reviews for this Canadian first feature. At first I read the outline for it, I wasn't terribly interested seeing it at theaters. Then by chance I heard about a free screening recently at the AMC Dundas SQ from Volunteer Toronto, who were also bringing in the director for a Q&A after the movie. Curiosity made me drag a friend and we were equally surprised by how much we loved this movie and how impressed we were by the director, Richie Mehta, a 28 year old Indo-Canadian director from Sheridon College who gives Deepa Mehta(no connection) a serious run for her fame...err movies. It was hard to believe that Amal was his first feature film.

I think Amal is a testament to why movies are still considered a creative art.
The movie didn't try to bank its success by pandering to Bollywood style visuals of Slumdog Millionaire (which was great but too Dickensonian for my liking) and it also didn't portray Oriental India in the 'oh look at those poor people! I'm so glad I'm not living there' way particularized in 'Water' and 'Born in Brothels.' There were a lot of questions and comments from the audience after the movie but lets just say it didn't evoke a typical "Oh the movie was so colourful" type of responses from your average western(*cough* white) section audience.
It just told a story in its simplest form, almost like a fable. Without going into details, Amal is a story about a rich man leaving all his wealth to a poor man- a story you could easily run into in 'Arabian Nights'. If you want to delve deeper than that, I would say it a movie that questions what it means to have a successful life in the 21st century.

As the director pointed out, fables are powerful because they are universal it their message and it especially works this movie because it is filled with the kind of details that takes a simple story to something larger and makes India represent any other country in the world.
Acting was excellent and the characters were well drawn out without falling into stereotypes.
Richie Mehta is definitely an up and coming Indo-Canadian director to watch out for.

*****/***** for successfully pulling off a heartfelt story with perfect casting.

Religulous

Its a mocumentary at its best. In typical documentary fashion but a bit extreme as it is selective of its 'real life subjects' and it is very carefully edited to clarify a message.
The Message- have doubts. i.e. be agnostic.
I found the movie 'sinfully' hilarious!

Bill Maher deliberately picks the side of every major religion that is supremely ridiculous-
-the Evangelical preachers wearing $2000 suits,
- the builders of 'holy land' complete with plastic 'Jesus killing Jews' sword souvenirs for the kids,
- Jewish scientists who try to construct elaborate mechanical deviced to make daily life possible at Sabath...like pushing a button to make a phone call,
- the fanatical Muslims calling for death to infidels,
- the Mormons and
- even a narcotic-spiritualist.

One may call them stereotypes but they are vital to Maher's argument which is -
' if these ridiculous believers originate out of the same religion that moderate believers do, then there's something wrong with the religion. You cannot take things in parts or interpret things in parts using circular logic'.
He might be preaching to the choir as the core audience of Religulous is agnostics and atheists.
Should even a moderately religious person decide to see the movie , I dont think it will not change his mind. Believers will only disregard this movie as being ridiculous for playing into stereotypes. I think Maher knows it.
Which makes me think this movies is is not meant to be message- this is a product that Maher is marketing. Agnostics like me will buy the DVD because its perfect for our satirical minds. Maher will get a comeback.
So basically, if you are not religious- you'll like the movie

****/***** for originality of effort

Spilling over

2008-11-13T09:03:00.004-05:00

There comes a time in one's life when a flap jaw like me is rendered speechless. It happened a few days ago when I received a surprise delivery from Purolator. The gift is currently gracing my bookshelf and I still can't quite believe it-

Yes- that's my poor attempt at a novella "Samosa for the Arranged Souls" in print!
Inside are the most beautiful introductory sentences written by the editor, who incidentally is my oldest best friend Sakina.

She (plus her hubby Mustafa, a fantastic man) got it published without my knowledge right in Kuwait and what can I say except that I'm humbled. That she thinks me worthy of such a thoughtful labour of love, is a true testament of her exceedingly generous spirit.
Thank you for wrapping up your love and sending me strength when I truly needed it.
All I can do from here is send up a prayer into the world for more Sakinas- my own Obama of hope. The world needs more of you!

Single and content?

2008-11-10T09:51:00.008-05:00

(Warning: one of the long ones)

When did this change happen?
How did we, as a society, come to terms with the possibility of a loveless marriage and divorce but not a marriage-less life?

I do not have the expertize to theorizing about society but I can tell you how it happened to me. It happens when one forgets that- one owes it to oneself to be loved by someone one wants wholeheartedly, not whom one merely tolerates because one is afraid of being single forever.
So post 'horrible breakup' (which I wanted, just not with so much drama) of last year I started questioning myself- "Why did this happen to me?" and ended with "What do I want in a guy?".
Then I threw myself into looking for someone by actively dating, with the reasoning that I have the capacity to love and be loved in return.

Looking back, I am glad I actively changed my outlook about men (i.e. they are not all odd!), improved on my looks, did get asked out and then go on as many dates as I did with as many varied guys. It was fun to dress up and find out interesting bits about people who are sorta similar but also so different from me. The attention was nice even when the results were not that great. Dating gets exhausting after a while with constantly communicating with people when you clearly don't see any future with them. However the mission was accomplished.
I do have the answer for "What I want in a guy".
And no, I'm not listing it here.
I've also decided to stop dating.

Not to say that I've stopped looking or that I'm vowing spinsterhood. But I am, for the first time, proud to say that I'm reveling in my singlehood.

Finally, with the lessons from dating, I am excusably carefree of the advice of others about 'how to find the one' because I've done them all and deaf to the "oh stop being picky and you'll find someone" sentiments abundant around me. I would still love to, one day, meet a guy with whom I can foresee future . But it is only one of the many things to happen in my life, which will one day give me things to reminisce about when I'm 85 and playing AI scrabble at the old-folks home, sitting in a room with slightly smelly old couches.

I welcome that future room as its unavoidable with age induced physical incapacity.
Then it occurred to me - in the meantime I had been erroneously constructing another room with interesting things to fill up time while waiting for life to start. That is not how it should be!

Life has already started and I'm still physically capable of roaming outside.
Its a good start that I've built lasting friendships, cultivated some interests and created a 'bucket list' (with a lot of things checked off already). But I've yet to passionately pursue something which will not only round up my understanding of life but sharpen it. I want to move beyond self-preservation to self-realization. A touch of infinite, as Tagore will say. My mark in the world that is uniquely me, outside of my relationship status.

I don't have the details figured out, but I have a start.

PS: If I fail, I ask this of my friends. When I die (esp if my organs cannot be of use), plant a couple of trees in a corner somewhere to make a fantastic reading spot for someone! (I'll leave the money in my Will)

Chair and a Poem

2008-11-06T17:00:00.000-05:00

- Another 'message' from a 'chair'

- Last 'written' poem of Tagore:

The sun of the primal dawn
Had asked
Of the new creation of the eternal
Who are you--
He had no reply.

Eons went by,
The last sun of the day's ending
Asked his last question
At the end of the western seas
In the silent evening,
Who are you--
There was no reply.

- Translated again by Dipak Mazumdar in 'A Poet's Death'

YES WE CAN!

2008-11-05T11:38:00.005-05:00

I was a cynic
...thank you Obama for giving me back hope.

You were exactly what I had wished for four years ago 'here'.
I just never believed it would happen and esp with a political leader- people are funny..esp American voters. But it did happen! And how our generation needed it.

Please stay safe and remember to surround yourself with the right people.

*showers Tim Bits from the top. *

A case of Mondays

2008-11-03T16:30:00.002-05:00

Reminiscing about a time....

When we searched for the
Perfect pens to write in diaries,
Happiness was
Creating the perfect mixed tape,
When red roses were small enough
To be pressed between pages, and
Betrayals were forgotten
In a clever greeting card.
When emotions
Were raw
But
Dreams
Held
Promise.

Lastpost?

2008-10-28T21:57:00.007-04:00

"In the heat of the midday sun
Burns the lonely afternoon with no people.
I sit staring at the empty seat
but there is no hint of solace.
Its heat overflows with pain,
Words of despair rise like a plaintive dirge.
It speaks of emptiness, its voice brimming with pity,
We do not know its essence.
Like the dog which has lost its master, gazes in bewildered sadness--
Barks incessantly with uncomprehending pain--
Does not know what happened, why it happened,
Searches all round, night and day, with defeated eyes.
The voice of the chair is desperate and pleading,
It defines the sorrows of emptiness
The dumb sadness of the loveless rooms. "

- Tagore's poem 'Sheshlekha'
(Translated by Dipak Mazumdar in 'A Poet's Death')

Tagore wrote this poem at his sickbed, only three months before his death in 1941. It speaks about his confusion and bewilderment at his own accomplishments at the ripe age of 80 years. The man started his creative career at the age of 8 and in the last 10 years of his life alone, made 2000 paintings and wrote over 2000 poems on top of his novels, novellas, short stories and essays. Still he felt unfulfilled and depressed. Where does that leave the rest of us?

I thought of my sister as I read this poem how I've lost her not through death but through circumstances. If this is how I feel at 30, what awaits at 80?

Romance in 2008

2008-10-24T17:09:00.003-04:00

- From 'Daily Dose of Imagery'

Fill-in-the-blanks

2008-10-22T17:08:00.002-04:00

In an effort to make postings more regular, I'll take the lazy way....

Hump-Day fill in:

1. I enjoy __Coffee__.

2. _Success_ is something I wonder about often lately.

3. In your heart, I knew __that he wasn't the one___.

4. Take __appreciation__, add a little __sarcasm__ and you end up with _a witty conversation__.

5. Life has gifted me with ___a great support system______.

6. __Drinks on the patio with friends__is an instant vacation.

7. And as for the rest of the week, tonight I’m looking forward to __a book club meeting ___, for weekend, my plans include __salsa dancing to celebrate a birthday___ and Sunday night, I want to __catch up on my readings for the course but instead I'll be going to the Arnab concert by Drishtipat___!

Aunty again!

2008-10-21T14:54:00.004-04:00

Welcome to the world Eshan!
You are so loved by your big brother and us :)

Read

2008-09-26T15:56:00.002-04:00

I might not be a fan of her writing much but this article by Margaret Atwood screams to be read, whether you openly claim to be the lover of arts or not.
So Go on and click

Travel bug

2008-09-13T17:01:00.000-04:00

In the last four months of a year is when I usually start to plan for the next year's travel destination. You know, juggle a few options, look at the savings account, discuss with friends about who else is interested etc?
This year there were mostly weekend trips which worked out perfectly- New York City, Montreal and California.
Places that apparently totally fit my travel profile!

From World66-
Your Travel Type: Jet Set

"A visit to a museum or an art gallery in the morning, an afternoon of shopping, dining out in a good restaurant and some drinks and a little party to end the day, the Jet Set traveller likes a full day.

Although he is quite active he is not the type to do any outdoor sports. When he has to walk a few blocks, he takes a cab. The Jet Set traveler is not much of a nature lover. "You mean the green stuff my parents have in their backyard?"

top destinations:
Paris
New York
Las Vegas
stay away from:
North Korea
Ciudad Perdida
Darien Gap

Pretty cool eh? Mostly accurate too except I do like nature, just so long as its interspersed with some concrete buildings and comfortable beds.
For next year I am thinking a weekend trip to Las Vegas but also India or Spain for a few weeks.

What's your own travel profile?

Stephen Harper eats babies

2008-09-09T16:59:00.003-04:00

...for breakfast.

Barely a week into declaring election dates and already Mr Evil-Eyed is posing with some sick child on the cover of Toronto Star, demanding families vote for him because he plays a game of cards with his children, not to mention the tax cut for gasoline freshly declared this morning (ooooo big surprise there Harpy.....not!).
I mean they are not even trying to be subtle or ingenious with the campaigning, are they?
Why even bother with this pretense of election, just give him the bloody majority government. Atleast it'll save the government some money!

Everyone knows the only reason Harper called for a election barely three years into his 'rule', is because he saw who his opponent would be- Mr. Pasty-faced-Pretentious-Dion.
Sure, Layton would have been an great one but as if NDP is ever going to gain a majority in this country (provincially-sure, federal- no), no matter how many people I convince to vote for him.
Dion can froth in the mouth with screams of 'save the environment with a carbon tax', he'll still comes across shifty and weak to the baby boomers, especially amidst all the recent predictions of economic doom. Ofcourse Harpy will prevail.

Jottoshob (Bloody stupidness)!
Why even bother being all excited about Obama's potential future down south when Harpy here gets to have some more Canadian soldiers killed off in Afghanistan.
Not that I think Obama is going to win either. Along with Time magazine, Obama and his family were featured on the cover of People , GQ, Vanity Fair, Men's Vogue and Rolling Stone- when had that ever happened? Anyone whom the media plays up that much and for that long is bound to come crashing down. One doesn't have to be a pessimist to predict it either. Plus, middle America is still sees 'colour' and forget American bigots, even people in South-Asia think Obama is Muslim. The poor man doesn't stand a chance no matter how noble and eloquent he appears (and probably is) in his speeches.

But atleast, the American people have some semblance of hope until Election results come out. We don't even get bloody that.

Ugh.
This is too depressing.
Must check out the red carpet gallery pics of the VMA awards again.

Defining 'open mind'

2008-09-08T16:00:00.002-04:00

Its Sunday night and my mother and I are watching some random show on WTN(Women's Television Network)-

Mom: "Do you know Ellen (pronounced Allen)?"
Me: Err... "yeah"
Mom: "You know? She is very funny and talks really nice, has a show on TV."
Me: "Yes mom, I know who Ellen is. She is a comedian."
Mom: "Do you know she's gay?"

*pin drops and Tazzy realizes her mother actually knows what homosexuality is! Sure she's not on the ball with the lingo but wow she's actually mentioned the word. Am so proud. *

Me: "Yeah. She just got married to a woman recently"
Mom: "Yes. I know. I used to really like her and her show. She was so happy and outgoing and talked so well. Then I saw her wedding pictures on a magazine. Why would she do that? She used to be such a nice person"

*Tazzy realizes pin is actually to burst bubbles*
*Mom is looking confused, but thankfully not upset or disgusted*

Me: "Mom, just because she is gay doesn't mean she isn't a nice person or can't run a great show."
Mom: "No, she isn't normal. That isn't normal. Why would she want to be that? I use to like watching her show!! "

*Now at that point, Tazzy could tell her that being gay isn't what someone chooses, its what someone is, but I didn't want to preach or argue. But rather have her reason it out on her own time. A couple of young guys are going to 'come out' soon enough in our community, she needs to be prepared, and not with sticks and stones*

Me: "You can still like her show and her, Mom. Even if she's gay. She is still the same person."

*Mom gives a dubious look and goes back to her stitching*

---------------------------
Wow, not bad.
I had heard of homosexuality 14 years ago living in the Middle East and I took three years after that to accept that its perfectly 'normal'.
I'd say mom is making progress.

PS: Don't be hating my mom now. Her reaction is probably generic of most South-Asian parents. Not just parents, in some cases.

Summer in a nutshell

2008-08-11T16:17:00.004-04:00

"When are we ever going to get some proper summer. Why is it cold?"- Me, in Toroto
"Err..you had summer days. Remember you complained about how hot it was"- Sim, in California
"Oh yeah"- Me

Tazzy's reason why we havn't had a proper summer in Toronto:
Following the most ridiculous trend since printed tights, stupid 20 something girls keep wearing ugly boots and Keffiyeh scarves in the middle of July! I don't care how lightweight they are or if they 'add a touch of colour', stop killing my summer you dolts.

"I think there should be some sort of law against imposing gratuitous ugliness on other people."- Hena, reviewing a summer outing

Where is my party hat?

2008-08-06T10:46:00.008-04:00

I don't think I've been this curious to watch TV since the premier of 'Litte Mosque on the Praire'!
Holy moly creators- of- tight- acid- washed- jeans...what do you think is coming to NBC wednesday nights??

TA DA!

Yep. Uh huh. Uh huh.
Who's the man?
The man the right with big hair and tight jeans, talking to his watch- thats him!
I had a crush on him before I even know what crushes were.
Its like my childhood returning so don't even try to remind me about Baywatch or his music videos- for me they don't exist.

I'm glad the new cutie(Justin Bruening) isn't playing Micheal Knight but an entirely different guy named 'Mike Traceur' which just proves my theory about 'the Man'!
Not seeing through the eyes of a 6 year old, the new K.I.T.T is actually not as cool as I had hoped it would be and I doubt his 'powers' are going to impress anybody (ooo a bulletproof car that dials a girl's number' Wow! Ofcourse I've never heard that *cough* On Start *cough*).

Whatever, I'm watching it.

Just hope it doesn't conflict with 'LMOTP'.

Meaning of Life

2008-07-11T14:45:00.003-04:00

....or close to it!

Tazzy's attempt to end the confusion in the dating business:

Ladies,

What Men actually mean when they say, "I want a girl who is...

"pretty" = so beautiful that all my friends are jealous of me
"simple"= someone who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread/round rotis
"caring" = who will not nag about my many bad habits
"funny" = thinks I'm funny
"family oriented" = who will cook, clean and look after me just like my mother but still acknowledge she can never be better than my mother

and now Gentelmen,

Here is what Women actually mean when they say, "I want a guy who is...

"smart" = smarter than me
"interesting" = doesn't bore me with talks about his 'work' on the first month of dating
"sweet" = gets along with my friends or at least acts like he likes them
"kind" = pays for the first, second, third and fourth date to show me that he is serious
"attractive" = I can bear to have s_x with him with the lights on, eyes open etc

and now you know!

Midseason

2008-06-26T18:35:00.003-04:00

I only realized today that I've been writing this blog for 4 years, 1 month and 14 days now!

*shudders*
My writing hasn't improved at all, has it?

Anyway, I was under the impression that it has been, oh I don't know, 2-3 years.

Feeling like a bit of a loser now- I had set out so many goals and have accomplished so little it seems. On the upside, blogging was supposed to have been a fad for me like IRC, ICQ, Paltalk, Orkut and now Facebook. But this definitely has lasting power. I guess it IS my new journal ..only totaly public. "Hello! potential/future employers!" (Oh yeah, it has happened)

I have never done this before but now I'm curious. I've been wondering who else, besides my friends Simika and Hena, has stuck through from the beginning of this blog? I'll allow anonymous comments for this post- so please introduce yourself and if you feel like it, tell me how long you've been following my crazy antics! I would love to find out. There's one reader from Australia who's been showing up for years now on my tracker - who ever you are 'please comment'! :D

oh..erm....and in an effort to improve my style, my midyear resolution is to write posts/emails/text messages without faces, smiley/sarcastic/winky/disgust or otherwise.
Feel free to point it out when I slip up (this one doesn't count of course)

Cheerios!

I love

2008-06-25T12:10:00.006-04:00

(To get away from how miserable and sulky I've been, here's a random list of things I love)

I love

the smell of rain,

the song 'Bhalobashbo re' by Habib,

friends who let you bitch and don't think anything of it,

re-reading my favourite books,

my baby nephew when he leans on me,

the first sip of coffee for the day,

my worn out, red, dancing shoes,

watching a movie with chips and cheese salsa,

my brother's random jokes,

my mom's touch,

sharing a late night dessert,

my cat jumping on the couch to snuggle up,

sunrays sparkling off waves,

martinis with gummy bears in it,

discovering new things to read,

Summer!

Yes you should be scared to turn 30...

2008-06-14T01:35:00.003-04:00

Proofs that the age 30 turns a woman into a vain, obsessive and senile creature she barely recognizes-

- She is convinced that her hair and skin are losing lustre and every day brings in a new wrinkle around her eye.

- She purchases expensive eye cream, to counteract the said wrinkles, only to learn half a bottle later that eye creams are completely unnecessary and in fact can cause dark circles to form under the eye from the skin not getting enough oxygen.

- When she stumbles onto a new witty blog written by a young woman, she most often nods away in agreement over all the bits about finding a career, love and maintaining sanity in a relationship. Down a few posts into the archives, she runs into the part where the blogger, rightfully, complains about the curse of being 25 & then promptly lose interest in the new blog.

- While waiting around in rush hour traffic and checking the mirror for makeup status, she finds a gray hair and groans. Against all the wisdom she plucks it, flicks it out the window and steps on the gas, only to have the same hair fly back inside the car and wrap around her wrist. Then proceeds to have a mini panic attack sitting in the car.

- She worries about her eggs constantly, visualizes them wrinkled and filled with mutated genes, thus lowering her chances of ever having a normal kid should she ever find a guy to have a kid with.

- Immediately following this thought she berates herself because the said fascination with parenthood might force her to 'settle down' some day with some random balding, pot bellied, gentle, uninteresting, stable guy with a proper job- just because he'd make a great dad to her future kids. That is NOT an option.

- While wasting time with another online quiz, she runs into the question about "what she would take to a deserted island" and is surprised to find that Studio Finish Mac Foundation Compact isn't one of the options.

- Being asked out by young-er guys stops being a compliment to her youthful looks and turns into a source of annoyance.

- She becomes quite positive that, she has heard her girlfriends say "You look pretty today" at least 30 times less since she turned 30. She is near whining to them about it and halts just in time to remember that she has great friends and a lot of them have crossed 30 already. It will just be horribly mean on her part to remind them.

- Instead of wishing she was younger, she begins to wish for good sense to return or failing that, a quick death just so she can leave behind a young looking corpse that might inspire others to say,"Oh, how young she was and with so much potential" at her funeral.

Yep.
Senile.
That's a 30 year old woman when her entire life has turned upside down.

Skinny

2008-06-02T15:27:00.003-04:00

Proof that skinny jeans should be outlawed for women!

Skinny jeans are for girls only!
If it can make a tall hot woman like Charlize Theron look fat, there's no hope for the rest of us regular short curvy folks.
And ditto to the corsette top :( and here I thought I could pull it off one day, provided I find one that fits ! Fat chance (pun intended)

Dry spell

2008-05-15T20:30:00.013-04:00

Two reasons I'm wary about the 'Sex and The City' movie-
1) If the last 'X-Files' movie was anything to be judged by, TV series made into movies don't work. They have the look of a regular episode extended over an hour, minus commercial breaks.
2) I'm scared of the sheer number of belts-that-hold up-nothing I'll have to see.

You see, the show was as much about fashion as it was about the not-so-taboo-anymore topics that the women discussed. It set trends, not that I was ever a fan of Carrie's weird fashion sense. Sure there are three other leading women as well, but really, who could see what anyone else was wearing with the giant flowers/tutus/crazy feathered hats/accessories Carrie pulled from her seemingly tiny closet?
Now for the movie version, the trailers and production shots just keep showing abundance of the cinched waist belts over everything on everyone! Go ahead, google some images from the movie and you'll see what I'm talking about.
It's like the design team was thinking, "Hmm what would make the 40something leading ladies seem trendy and appeal to a larger younger audience? Yes! put some belts on them!"
Maybe it was THE thing the summer they were shooting it, but people, if every girl on the street over the age of 13 is wearing it, the belt trend is dead. It has expired; ceased to be- LET IT GO! LET IT BLOODY GO!
Plus it is never a good sign for a movie when the trailers give away 90% of the storyline.
Having said that, I will still, 100%, go watch it.
Why?
20%- for all the witty repartee and frank discussions on romance and s_x, which are highly entertaining to watch with the girlfriends.
80% - because I'm haven't been to the theatres for a Hollywood flick since February!
Yes, the 23 year old Me would have been horrified at this lapse in movie watching.
What can I say but unless they had come up with a fourth edition of the 'Bourne' series, I was just not interested.
The theatres have been charging a lot more for the utter crap that the movie industry has churned out. So, if it's not gonna have any awesome special effects or stars that I care to see, I'd rather rent two movies for the same price.

*sigh*
Can one ever get tired of watching Matt Damon run around be aloof and dashing in a torn sweater? Nope!
Until then, the new 'Indiana Jones' movie will have to do, I suppose. It has all the elements of the perfectly entertaining movie on big screen- action, camp, improbably story line and Harrison Ford with a whip.
Snap that!

An ideal relationship

2008-05-11T15:00:00.002-04:00

....is where you don't have to deal with your partner.

Seeing and talking to the same person day in and day out....and then having to include him/her in 90% of your plans is beyond tiresome. I'd like to believe that everyone thinks this way and are just too chicken to admit it. yes?

My ideal relationship would be where I see him maybe three four times during the week and one day of the weekend. The general concensus is that, the idea is silly and at some point I'll have to move in with the guy and see him every single day. Fine. Then for relationship to survive, we have two options-
1) One of us gets a job that takes us out of the city for a few days, at least every two months (you know, to make our hearts grow fonder?)or
2) We get a big enough place where we each have our own space- like separate study areas/reading room and most definitely a separate bathroom for moi!

Two living rooms are not required, as one of us can leave the house if the other feels like entertaining a guys/girls night. I would still like one dining area, preferably a small space set up like a 50s diner, next to a large window. That would be lovely. It'll have those cute little cafe style salt,pepper and suger dispensors, napkin holders, bottles of hot sauce and fresh flowers in a glass vase for us to enjoy, while I cook up scrumptious breakfasts for the two of us. Shattup. No, I won't burn it. Let me dream will you?

Aahem..so I'm itching to get my own place,can you tell?

I should, technically, have enough saved up for a move downtown again. Just a matter of time now. After all the crazyness of last year, tt has been very therapeutic living with the parents. Yes, I know, I know. I'm more surprised than you, believe me. Maybe its because I'm only expecting the generic level of insanity, I've been able to deal with it better.
Do you know how very easy it is to get used to having dinner made and even have someone pack up a nutritious lunch for you?
Thank you, MOM!
I know why you are doing it(to keep me under your nose), but I love you anyway :)

PS: I turned thirty, in case anyone is keeping count.
Apparently being being 30 means- watching, yourself and others around you, F up over and over again. Looking foward to 35, when everything will make sense again! Yippe.

Friday Fours

2008-05-09T09:15:00.003-04:00

Four odd jobs I've had in the past

- Coffee girl at Tim Hortons
- Associate at Men's Fashions in Walmart
- Telemarketeer for Nesbitt Burns
- Donut and cake decorator at Tim Hortons

Four films that I can do a marathon of

- Pride and Prejudice(*edit*: The BBC version ofcourse)
- My Best friend's Wedding
- Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
- Ever After

Four celebrities I'd love to meet up with for coffee

- Matt Damon
- George Stroumboulopoulos
- Paris Hilton (just to know if she is, you know, real)
- The cute Imam from 'Little Mosque on the Prairie'

Four places to see before I die

- ALL of India, from Rajasthan to Assam and Kerala to Kashmir
- 4 cities in Europe (Barcelona, Rome, Athens and Moscow)
- Amazon rainforest
- The Louvre in Paris

Four memorable foodthings

- Cheesecake from 'Cheesecake Factory', Palo Alto
- Lamb korma from 'VJs', Vancouver
- Meat pies everywhere, New Zealand
- The very very spicey seafood stir fry at some Thai place, Victoria

Four sites that I visit daily

- CBC news
- Go Fug Yourself
- Wikipedia
- PhDcomics

Four people I would love to get together with, for drinks anytime

-My three best friends (in order of how long we've been friends)- Sakina(15yrs), Simica(12yrs) and Sadiya(10 yrs)
-One really hot guy to keep the drinks coming

Efficiency

2008-05-08T10:07:00.009-04:00

Bet you didn't know that the 'Dump Truck Association' is contemplating a strike in Toronto, eh? Yep.
They are concerned about money as a result of rising fuel costs and the heavy load they are forced to carry.

Alright- I'm on board with that.

This is how they are choosing to protest today.
A convoy of 150 trucks are going to travel, together, ree-aa-ll-y slowly, from HWY 400 and 427, down to Gardiner and upto DVP.

Got that?
Protesting about rising fuel costs by driving really slowly across all major highways.

See, kids?
News CAN be entertaining.

Ping

2008-05-06T16:21:00.007-04:00

In light of THREE people, all in this week, asking Tazzy why she isn't getting married yet, here's why.

Observe, my attempt at online dating....

--------------------------------

*ping*
'Dr Casanova' wants to IM you!
Accept?

Erm...o-kay

"Dr. Casanova: Hi! You are very pretty."
"Tazzy: Thanks."

Click on Dr Casanova's online profile- 'I am a physician who has branched out into Marketing. There is no place I really call home yet because I travel frequently. My medical training has given me intimate knowledge about women's bodies where I instinctly know how to make them happy and pleasure them....blah blah....'

"Dr. Casanova: So what are you upto today?
"Tazzy: Not much. Hold on...your medical training has given you knowedge of what makes women want? How IS that exactly?"

(silence for 3 mins)

"Dr. Casanova: Can I reply back in 5 mintues. I have to get out of my limo to get into my hotel for a meeting."

"Tazzy: uh uh. whatever."

Close window.

(2 min later)

*ping*

"Dr. Casanova: Sorry I had to step away just as you wrote to me. "

Close window.

(1 min later)

*ping*

"Dr. Casanova: So, want to meet up this evening?"

Shocked silence

---------------------------------------------------

Sometimes you just can't make this shit up!!

Reading in children should be encouraged, but..

2008-05-02T14:07:00.017-04:00

Is it true what they say about fairy tales- that they set up young minds for unrealistic expectations?

I've been wondering about that lately (especially after renting 'Enchanted' the other day).
Since I didn't grow up on disney movies, I started tracking back to things I read as a child.

Supposedly most girls love fairy tales and want to live in castles and wait to be rescued by their knights in shining armour. But what about if you loved the same tales and wanted to be the knight, like I did? Not so much to rescue a princess (no I'm definitely not attracted to women and totally support women who are) but because the knights seemed to have all the fun!
Maybe there is a reason why 'The Little Mermaid' was my favourite fairytale princess who swam (excuse the pun) above them all. She didn't just wait at the bottom of the ocean- she longed for adventure. She found the prince who 'dropped to the bottom of the ocean', rescued him and then followed him to the land in search of love. Predictably, she got jilted in return and died (original version). One could almost say Anderson punished the 'Little Mermaid' for her audacity. But I still loved her and wanted to be her. Is that the reason I'm hesitant about 'meekly committing' to an arranged match and equally skeptical about 'the one' while dating? Because deep down I know I'll 'follow my prince' and get hurt?

Don't get me wrong- I still love fairy tales. I'm actually a little obsessive about them. Nor do I want to make them 'politically correct' (even thought 'this one' is pretty funny). But I do wonder how much what I read as a child shaped who I am now. In my childhood, along with fairy tales, there were the 'children's adventure' stories in Bengali by Mohd Jafar Iqbal such as 'Dushto Cheler Dol(Bad Boys Gang)', 'Haat Kata Robin', 'Dipu number Two' etc. The only Western parallel to these books that I could think of , would be those by Enid Blyton. Basically they were stories where pre-teen children rode out their own adventures, solving crimes, with minimal adult help. Only in Jafar Iqbal's novels, the children were ALL boys. If women or girls ever made any appearance they were in 'maternal' roles. I read these novels religiously and longed to be a boy every day.

Now, I don't blame Mr Iqbal for writing the novels the way he did- he merely portrayed the reality of the Bengali society which doesn't include pre-teen girls running around having any adventure besides an aggressive round of hopscotch! Nor do I begrudge those books as I would probably re-read them if I still owned them. But it leaves me wondering if that is why I hated boys for so long- because I envied them so much.
It is entirely possible that Enid Blyton books also set out certain gender roles (she has been accused of being sexist apparently), I haven't read them, only heard about them. But the mere inclusion of girls in the fun and adventure, no matter the subordinate role they played (if at all), must account for a different mindset for girls who grew up reading her books.

Of course eventually I did find and loved the Nancy Drew series in my teens but I couldn't really imagine myself in her - she was the 'white' girl I could never be. For years I never allowed myself any adventures and actually felt guilty for wanting to be a 'boy' but still love the pretty red dress. I longed for a female role model and eventually found one while reading the biography of one incredible Bengali woman- Begum Rokeya who was a prominant figure in encouraging education among Bengali women by opening the first school for Muslim girls in the Indian subcontient. Still, I couldnt' help but notice that she might not have been able to do so, without the emotional and financial support of her late husband. The life of a rich inspiring widow held its appeal, but I had to find someone to get married to first!

So, the search for female literary characters that I could relate to, continued...until, at age 18, I stumbled onto Jane Austen. Surprisingly, the cultural difference wasn't such a big issue here because the social makeup in Austen's era is so similar to our current Bengali society. I could easily imagine myself as Elizabeth or even Emma (with a job ofcourse), mainly because as young women, they had such strong personalities and still led seemingly eventful lives. Plus, they just happened to have met wonderful men along the way who fell in love with their independent spirits.
Granted, I might not have appreciated Austen when I was a 7year old, but I think, even reading one book where the main protagonist was a strong girl with a rich fulfilling life would have made me happy to be born a girl, a little sooner.

Moral of the story: Reading in children should be encouraged, but expect them to draw their own lessons from it.

Weekend....

2008-02-27T23:46:00.005-05:00

*This post in inspired from my new favourite blog 'Charming, but Single'
"Wished someone would make a cell phone with a breathalyzer to prevent drunk texting"- Priceless!
*

Things I realized this weekend-

Friday:
- Am very lucky to have girls who are up for an impromptu 'dinner/drinks girl talk' friday night, esp when Current Date decided to spend another night with his buddies
- Love Torontonians! Cute guys in Toronto pubs WILL make eye contact, unlike the Vancouverites
- 'Drunk texting' is incurable for some people . i.e. Current Date
- Its better to resist temptation and not stop a train wreck
- I will always have a better time with my girlfriends than on a date...esp because they know all the best dessert joints
- 'Sex in the City' is a reality TV show.

Saturday:
- Women ARE for Venus and Men, from Mars. Never the twain shall understand the other. Especially over text msgs.
- Younger siblings can surprise you everyday with how quickly they mature
- I really want a kid.....just like my nephew
- Good stand up never fails for a saturday night out. Perry Perlmutar and Ali Rizvi are my new fav comics
- Bengali guys have no balls, until they get married
- Good looking people always hook up with ugly ones
- Some people hate me (surprise!)
- 'Dolce de leche cheesecake' at 7 West makes it the BEST spot in Toronto for a late night dessert

Sunday:
- Your mother can always find a way to hint at marriage in the most innocent of things
- Nothing makes you get over a guy faster than an impromptu and successful shopping expedition for sexy date worthy tops
- Best friends are my life blood
- Even Jon Stewart can't save the boring Oscars
- I'm soooo over Katherine Heigl
- Need to catch up on my movie watching
- You learn something new everyday. I'm a 'lightweight'. Apparently it means 'one who goes to sleep early' or something like it.

Night!

On Hold

2008-01-28T21:04:00.000-05:00

I've started on 'The Brothers Karamazov' by Fyodor Dostoevsky and its going to be one of those 'perfect escape' books for me, I can tell. It needs to be savoured and read non stop over weeks and after I won't be able to read anything else for a while. But I'm having to put it down for the moment- I don't think I'll be able to dedicate that kind of time right now, plus its borrowed from the library (yeah i know what was I thinking! I should go back to buying books) and I really don't feel like paying anther $30 in late fines, when I still have two parking tickets to pay.
But I had to make a note of these two quotes by the elder Zossima which were just too beautiful.

"If you do not attain happiness, always remember that you are on the right road and try not to leave it. Avoid falsehood, every kind of falsehood, especially falseness to yourself. Watch over your deceitfulness and look into it every hour , every minute. Avoid being scornful, both to others and to yourself. What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself. "

" Never be frightened at your own faint-heartedness in attaining love. Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labour and fortitude and for some people, perhaps, a complete science."

*This space might be on hold too for the next little while, while I work on a different flavour of blogging*

Leaping

2008-01-04T12:44:00.001-05:00

Those of you following this space might have had an inkling about how eventful a year 2007 was for me..and not in the good way. I was apprehensive right from the beginning- infact I don't even recall making proper resolutions list which is a first for me.

Not one thing did go according to how I planned it- be it school, career or relationships. In fact some have gone horribly, maddeningly wrong and some events continue to cast a shadow.

What has got me through and reach 2008 with some semblance of sanity and optimism are my dear, sweet, honest, supportive friends, my parents who I have only begun to understand and love fiercely and my surprisingly all grown up little brother. Knowingly and unknowingly you have given me courage, confidence and an ability to rise above failures. I'm not so scared of falling anymore.

Here's to hoping for a far more positively eventful and successful 366 days this year and my list in no particular order:
- Try to go down to a size 6 for the big 3-0 birthday in April
- Finish the CRA certification as a stepping stone to direct my career better
- Date more and often to find that guy with POP (possibility of progress)
- Become better at fake affections for certain people

- Finish 'Brothers Karamazov' and 'War and Peace'
- Pick up tennis or squash as the new way to stay fit and be active
- Accept that some people will continue to lie and let me down but I can't let it run my life

- Make every moment I spend with the important people in my life, count in diamonds!

Love you all!

Here's me not venting

2007-12-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

I'm in desparate need to vent and since I can't really vent about things/people I really want to on here (its become far to public)....lets find something else to bitch about, shall we?

Lets talk Shower heads. Did anyone else remember that shower heads used to come down vertically? When you stood underneath it, it felt like you were standing in the rain. Anyone who has done that knows it is one the single most perfect moments -like having a bite of oreo right before it melts from dunked in too much milk. Perfection.
I can't say that I like the new slanted shower heads much. They might boast equal water distribution but are far too unnatural and they make you want to be quick about it and towel off. Where's the romance in that?

Its the little things you know? They matter! Like when people belittle you and your life with their covert words and actions.You want to say something back and point out to them that you really were honest in looking out for them and wanting the best for them. Then you realize- their views are a result of their own narrow mind and have nothing to do with you. You can't do a thing to change their mind and in the grand scheme of things, it not worth it. Those little things pile up and soon enough the relationship isn't worth saving anymore...you just let it run its course.

Dang..I thought I wasn't going to vent.

Idiot Box

2007-12-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

The new 'Friends' (for me atleast) is 'Big Bang Thoery' on CBS .
All the science jokes are not entirely ridiculous and are actually quite funny in a cheeky way.
The script isn't always predictable either!
Thats gotto be something in big barren world of new sitcoms on TV, post Seinfeld/Friends/Frasier
Check it out, my fellow geeks! :D

Binge

2007-11-26T13:08:00.000-05:00

The Loblaws near me is having a special sale on Haagen Daaz- 3 for $10.
An excited neighbour friend reminded me yesterday.
If only I was one of those who sat with a tub ice-cream in front of the TV when things go rough.
Ofcourse that doesn't mean I don't binge eat in front of the TV, just on entirely different food group- fries, fried rice just any fried bits.
Not that they have the same kick to them lately. One could be stuffing oneself on the third serving of fried rice and hoping for some fries later and it'll still not fill up the emptyness inside.
So you dust yourself up, go looking for some interesting piece of accessory to buy, dress up a little more at work and hope for better times ahead.

List for binge buying:
- A pair of silver shoes
- Bronze/gold party purse
- Bronze finish ring
- Silver ring with dainty crystles
- Cropped pants (grey, black)
- Black bag
- Gift for the little ones in Bangladesh

Now that I'm too sick to drive to the US on my day off, here's to hoping I'll find everything I need near home, minus the long line ups.
Hurrah for Canadian Dollar.

68seconds in an elevator

2007-11-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

7:20:55 pm - (pressing elevator button) Can't believe have to stay at work till 7:30pm for the next two weeks! So tired.
7:20:58 pm - At least ot out 10 minutes early today.
7:21:05 pm - Wow talk about quiet..can hear my heels before they hit the floor.
7:21:10 pm - Come on....its not like there's a rush of people trying to get down to the Tim Horton's at this hour!
7:21:19 pm - Yes finally.
7:21:21 pm - Make sure the Ipod is charged for the commute.... really don't want to hear the stupid radio talking about how windy its out there for the 40th time
7:21:22 pm - "Oh Hi" (incredibly handsome guy walks in) ..oh my gawd!!...he is cute....not cute cute....i mean ...wow....what is it about impeccably dressed black guys that find so irresistible? And a really nice smile too.
7:21:24 pm - (slipping one of the earphones in one ear) Okay look cool and detached. wow. and he works just a floor beneath me! Smiled and said hello to a guy find attractive. It was completely natural....this is good. This is progress. Glad wearing the flattering top today and the boots
7:21:26 pm - Maybe he'll say something...its only the two of us and we still have 10 floors to go.
7:21:28 pm - Stupid stupid girl..Take earphones out!!! He will think are not interested in idle chit chat....worse that are not interested at all. (taking stupid earphones off)
7:21:29 pm - Well maybe he'll think was only admiring the bloody thing and not tuning him out. Wonder if he works late nights too. He must be a new post doc fellow in one of the labs in that floor. Wonder how old he is...looks so fit under that jacket..wonder if he is one of those 'bike to work' guys... mm dreamy! (covert look in his directions)
7:21:32 pm - Great now HE has taken his phone out to appear busy. Damn damn damn. Maybe he's 23 and a masters student.
7:21:35 pm - Yes! put the phone away. good. Now turn right. Promise to look more approachable now.
7:21:36 pm - Oh my gawd. He looked over! He totally glanced over with a smile. Hmm now look friendly, woman. You can do it.
7:21:37 pm- Ugh! stupid old man! Who told you to get into our elevator? Can't you see we are having a moment?
7:21:41 pm- Great now there's three of us...looking ahead...not saying anything. Wonderful ..one of the maintenance guys walks in too. Great. Bloody great.
7:21:45 pm- Almost at the lobby....Oh can't even look at him now. Why am so bad at starting idle chit chat.? Could have said something...anything; "oh working late?" "Oh hope its not raining out" "mm do you wanna grab a drink?" YEAH RIGHT.
7:21:47 pm- Well he didn't say anything either. Maybe am not his type. Maybe he has a hot girlfriend. Maybe he is happily married. Bound to be with my luck. Ah forget it.
7:21:49 pm- Thats it. Am going to get out of the elevator before him. Can't believe convinced self that was something there in the way we both smiled and said "Hi"
7:21:59 pm- He is obviously walking behind self...wonder if he is thinking the same thing that he should have said something. Probably not...oh well his loss. Am going to keep walking. Its upto him if he wants follow and catch up.
7:22:04pm- How bad would it be if looked over shoulders to check? Make it look natural... like it goes with hair flipping.
7:22:05pm- Damn! He's gone.
7:22:08pm- (Slow walk to the car) Well there's the rest of the week! Know people in that floor so can drop by and see them sometime soon! maybe even tomorrow
Am an optimist after all, albeit a slightly stalkerish one.

Live updates

2007-07-17T10:28:00.000-04:00

I have been driving to downtown Toronto from Mississauga a lot lately and occasionally the radio would remind me of Bangladesh where they have 'live traffic updates' on the radio in Dhaka too! Yes, even this Fifth world country has introduced it. The 'live updates' on the radio in Dhaka are more useful too, since there are far more side streets to cut through once the main roads are clogged. I always wondered about being stuck on HWY 401(an eternal parking lot for many) from say Mississauga to Markham during rush hour and what good it would do listening to a radio station telling me the exact same thing!

But nevertheless they are informative and it got me thinking that its about time that 'Live updates' are introduced to improve other 'critical' situations of our lives when we are driving.
I can just imagine it now...
Tim Horton's at 8am: "I am standing at intersection of Mavis st and Central Parkway in Mississauga and drive through line-up for this the Tim Horton's stretches...about 2 km. One gentleman I spoke to earlier has informed me that he has been waiting to order one 'extra large double triple' coffee for 7 entire minutes. At this rate he might have to give up on his daily 'sesame seed bagel with light cream cheese' today as it might increase the wait time to an 4 extra minutes. So folks, if you are thinking of getting coffee at this Tim Horton's location, the officials have advised everyone to park and walk in where the lineup is only 1 km but be warned that they have run out of 'chocolate dip donuts' and anyone interested in one will have to wait for 20 minutes for the next batch or opt for another kind. Over to you Melanie who is at the next Tim Horton's in the area just 7km from this location "

Emergency waiting rooms in hospitals: " Folks, it is 15 minutes past 7pm on a Friday afternoon and I am here at the emergency room of North York General Hospital where the wait-time has been confirmed at two hours for any and every symptom. I have behind me, a family with three small children, all of whom have been suffering from the seasonal cold and their mother has been waiting for three hours for someone to check if it is infact the 'Flu'. "I just don't understand what kind of doctors work here who have no concern for children. I have been asking the nurses every fifteen minutes and all they are telling me is that there was some accident on the 401. I am, like, there are Always accidents on the 401! That doesn't mean my babies have to suffer like this." Yes, indeed this unfair situation was confirmed by the nurses and other patients, some of whom have been waiting between four to five hours, with one person loudly complaining of pain in his kidneys all this time. ...This just in! I have just been informed by one of the residents that there are in fact only three doctors working at ER tonight at North York General Hospital So if you live in the area and have a broken arm or tooth, we would advice you to visit your family physician instead to avoid waiting two hours. If you do not have a family physician, please give yourself ample time and bring pillows and reading material if you are coming to this location. I just checked and their issue of Canadian Living^® is about 3 years old! Stay tuned to YAWN radio FM 0.3 for live updates on your options at the vending machines at this waiting room "

Toronto City Hall radio while being put on hold: "Thank you Jean-Paul! We are reporting live from the information desk at the city hall where forty one people are on hold since 1pm but don't worry you are next. The administrative help is in the ladies washroom retouching her post-lunch make up. She is going to be out any minute now. We have cornered Jake, a member of the cleaning staff, who tells us that a number of city officials have been working hard at the golf course today where the finer points of the next urban development project is being discussed. It is to be a one of a kind, luxurious, modern , 70 floored condominium overlooking the Gardener Expressway! Talk to one of our, I mean, their representatives now to see a model suite. Jake also says that one city official has been dozing off at his desk in this very city hall and could fall asleep any moment now. Stay tuned for more. Now back our next Shania Twain song 'From this Moment on' "

Movie theatre on a Friday night: "Thank you Red Hickey! I am standing at Famous Players Paramount Theatre Festival Hall on Richmond Street where the premier screening of 'I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry' is about to start in an hour. It stars the forever man-child with the hygiene habits of a 6 year old- Adam Sandler and that other man-child with the hygiene habits of a 6 year old who stars in 'King of Queens'. If you are driving to this theatre, there are still 50 tickets available for the first show of this movie and none for 'Harry Potter: Order of Phoenix' which has been sold out for the past weekends. So if you wanted to see Harry Potter, watch this one instead. The stars of 'I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry' if you'd remember are comedy geniuses of portraying 40 year old ugly looking slobs whom no average woman in their right mind would think about dating and definitely not someone who looks like Jessica Biel. This time they are playing straight guys who lie to the government and act as a married gay couple (that can not be in US, it must be Canada) to get tax break. How will they ever pull it off? Will the Adam ever get hot Jessica Biel to fall for him even if she thinks he is gay? You will have to find out along with these folks standing in line behind me and those suspicious looking 15 year olds who are hanging around at the food court trying to sneak in. We will return after these messeges about the health benefits of Nachos and Cheese"

Feeling Bangladesh

2007-07-12T23:32:00.000-04:00

Well, the trip to Bangladesh was exactly what I had expected it to be:
-I never got the chance the leave Dhaka (a city I dislike) and see the rest of the beautiful country,
-but on the plus side, I am in love with my extended family. They are inquisitive without malice and my well wishers without expectations. They treat you like royalty, get your every wish fulfilled and all you have done is shown up to live in their rooms for a month. Granted, some relatives were a disappointment, seen through a more mature eye. The rest might not understand how much I have changed in the last decade but they are proud of me nonetheless. I am reminded once again of the feeling that only relatives incite- that they are ‘your people’ who love you and are always concerned about your well being as if you had been living near them all along. I was also able to handle the inevitable 'when are you getting married' questions since they were not asked in mean spirit.

The unexpected parts were
- the discovery that the parlours in Bangladesh offer the most phenomenal 'facials'. Honestly, they are to die for and all for a measly $10.
- and a lesson in humility.
Yes yes everyone goes soul searching in the East- but I, in all honesty, figured it to be unlikely with there being no mountain tops with loinclothed gurus sitting cross legged offering you advice in Bangladesh.
This vacation was just me ticking off something I had planned to do for a while.
I didn't expect life lessons....much less spiritual peace.

Lesson 1: I understand now why people generally seem happier in Bangladesh compared to here.
Living in Canada, being a part of the post-baby boomer generation, we are given the opportunity to do anything and be anything. We have not personally experience the horror of a war or the evils of an oppressive government. A lot of us have not even had a health scare. Therefore we expect every aspect of our lives to be just right all at the same time- good job, great mate, healthy happy family, enviable body, a great car, a pension plan etc. If we don’t achieve even just one of them (face it, most of us don’t), we are unhappy.

Bangladesh, on the other hand, with its widespread diseases harsher than the common cold, gives a person very small window of opportunity to get a good job, live well and even then there is a constant fear for personal security (abeit lessened with the current interim government). What it means for its people I found is that, they expect some things to go badly and to not achieve every thing. As a result, they appear more content.

A lesson in humility came from a world traveling widow. She is blessed with financial security as well as a loving network of family and friends (the woman probably knows 2/3 of the population of the district of Khulna) whom she loves to bits, who adore her back and considers her the ultimate source for sound advice. However, she experiences continuous passive aggressive mistreatment from her only son and a daughter-in-law who pointedly waits for this 75+ old to die and vacate a portion of a room in their house. This grandmother accepts it as the only imperfection in her otherwise fulfilling life. It broke my heart every time to see her switch from being the worldly, active, friendly matron of the family while visiting members of the extended family; to a meek, quiet, old, invalid when she returns to her son and daughter-in-law’s place. She, however, is none too broken up about it and accepts the mistreatment since she doesn’t want to lose contact with any portion of her family no matter how horribly they behave.
Since they are the most important part of my extended family and I too can't afford to lose contact with them; I was forced to accept my inability to say or do anything to improve her situation no matter how much I love her. I could only lead them by the example of my own behaviour towards her. I was frustated intially as it felt like 'giving up' to me but she taught me that it was all about keeping peace at the least possible cost.

‘Keeping peace’ is what I want to strive for: peace with myself and with those around me.
It might seem like settling but I want to accept that some things are always going to be out of our control and irresponsive to a ‘got get it’ attitude. The price for getting some good things in life would be the sacrifice of something else. We just have to be sure that its nothing too costly.
It is definitely not a novel lesson, but for me, it has been an epiphany after being spoon fed on the bullshit that is the belief - “you can achieve anything and everything if you just put your mind to it or want it really badly”.

Bangladesh after 11 years

2007-06-03T00:38:00.000-04:00

I was worried with the view from the plane. It looked like bangladesh has grown bald spots. Turns out there is still some green and lakes left in Dhaka.
At Dhanmondi lake:

Boat tour over Buriganga river at sunset:

The reason I'm here in 35+ degrees heat and 80% humidity- its ideal condition for ripening of my favourite fruit that I hvn't had in 11 yrs, Kathal or Jackfruit:

My favourite bengali junk food- Fuchka= 'ChanaMasala in fried shells with tamarind water':

Boshundhara City in Dhaka- some 8 level central air conditioned shopping complex supposed to be one of the largest in Asia.

Food court of Boshundhara city occupies an entire floor and has international cuisine- all of them serve the same menu of burgers, fries, pizza, fried chicken and all kinds of bengali food like chotpoti, fuchka, faluda

The men in Bangladesh have become 'Metrosexual as well'. There are Men's version of 'Fair and Lovely'= face bleaching/whitening cream, parlours and this ad in some random bengali magazine caught my eye :D
'Cute' is a cosmetic brand in Bangladesh. But in this case the name might be its downfall.

More updates soon.

Glass vs Mirrors

2007-04-17T03:01:00.000-04:00

One would think I'd get used to it, but it still surprises me how easily people judge others.
It might be human nature somewhat to pass judgement, but to hear those thoughts voiced out loud, I find, is particularly upsetting.
In my books, when they are strangers whom you've not interacted with, who have done you no wrong but just happen to look a certain way or live life in a way you don't like- it is NOT okay for you to belittle their lives in such harsh manners.
How can you continuously bemoan the curse of attracting big women when you yourself are sporting a beer gut? and you are only 27 years old? AND you are balding! But that is exactly what this one person was doing and he thought he was being funny and friendly. Wonder how he would have reacted if I had pointed those things out loud to him? Ofcourse I didn't. I tend not to say anything upsetting unless someone does/says something that involves me personally. Even though I was getting more and more self concious as the other girl with us was a very petite and thin person.

Anyway, this is just one person, I'm sure we all know many like him. I find people are more than eager to bitch about strangers than they should.
We must think we are behind a glass window while passing judgement on others. I'd say we're usually behind a mirror window and those judgments reflect back something about us. So news flash- you might feel better when you are putting others down, but people around you only see you and you are definitely not looking good to them.

I'm not sure why it bothers me so hearing anyone make harsh comments about people I haven't met- especially when the judgemental person is not a friend and nor do I care to consider him or people like him friends. They are just people I've met in life and as soon as they are out of my sight- I'd forget their existence. Still the manner of their judgement lingers on...ruining my week.
I thought it'd be easier to let things go, once you grow older, maybe just not everything.

Counting down to a month from now

2007-04-11T19:13:00.000-04:00

It's happened.
A snowstorm, weeks of continuous rain, many months of cloudy skies, unproductive work, blotched school plans, a horrid breakup and cliquey vancouverites- have finally worn me down. I don't regret the move out here. But I am, for my own sanity, returning to my beloved Toronto.
Not that anything has improved in terms of school or work or relationships- but I'm exhausted from thinking now.

So what am I doing once I'm back?
Well, first I'd be chucking the fugly sketchers and donning on my high heels and skirts. Followed by a fill up of my adorable nephew, who is speaking in sentences now. I'm also supposed to meet my old boss and mentor for a chat, maybe get some directions or not.

Then early May, I'm going soul searching.
I've thought about this for a while, in terms of all the thresholds in my life that I have been over and one that I have been hesitant in crossing.

The only cure for my existentialist dilemma seems to be a trip back to my past.
A long overdue, month long visit to the motherland- Bangladesh to see my grandmother.

Well, hopefully I'll find a cool spot like that to sit by uninterrupted, with some
Sunil and Bonkim(Bengali authors)...maybe a bootlegger copy of Harry Potter 7....at hand.

It's high summer time then with temperatures of 25+ degrees C and infrequent electricity to go around Dhaka. BUT...guess what I get?

No no the bearded guy!
Tropical fruits! Mangoes, Jackfruit, and some other yummy ones that I only know the Bengali name for. And don't even get me started on the street food..I'll start drooling.

Plus it would be great spending some time with the wonderful extended family whom I haven't seen in over a decade. This time I think I can handle the inevitable 'why aren't you married?' questions. At 29, I'd officially be a Bengali spinster; a dark and fat one at that! Well atleast that is what I'd be pointing out to potential matchmakers.

On the trip back, I'm stopping over at another threshold.

Can you guess from this pic?

'Irani Khubus = yummy bread made in clay oven'

How about now?

'Coca Cola in Arabic'

Getting close...

YES! Kuwait!

I'll be in Kuwait for 5 days, on the way back from Bangladesh.
A lot of memories to rekindle.....most of my teenage years were spent there with one of my closest friends from high school, who incidentally is married and living in Kuwait now. As expected, we are super excited about seeing each other after 11 years and comparing how much we would have both changed....for the better ofcourse.

I'd be the size of a house from all the yummy food in both places, but hey Amen to that eh?!

I hope to be back in Toronto in June:
- unemployed(bad),
- out of school(bad),
- living in my parents basement(bad),
- with my cat(good),
- with my car(good) and
- near friends(good)!

Wish me luck!

New purchase and rants

2007-04-01T13:27:00.000-04:00

I finally bought the camera I have been eyeing for two years now.-
The Canaon PowershotSD600 6.0 MP

A 'slight' improvement over my Nikon CoolPix800 1.2 MP don't you think? Don't bother looking it up- I'm sure its in the Nikon museum. It was a good camera for the time it was bought about 5 years ago. It felt bulky like a real camera- meaning I never dropped it or sat on it accidentally. It came with the added possibility of attaching a telephoto lens one day should I feel like it. You could still enlarge the pictures to a 8x10 on print and get a good enough resolution.

Ofcourse over the years I grew out of my fear of the toy like quality of the new light weight digital cameras and really really wanted one that fit in my purse.
But there was always something getting in the way of me updating the camera- a trip, a move, then new laptop, which I made sure fits into my over sized bag.

Finally this weekend, I trekked over to Future Shop and proceeded to subject myself to the usual masochistic patronization. Ever notice how the Future shop guys always speak to female customers like they are complete idiots about technology? The guy I got this time answered my query about taking pictures in low light situations, by going on and on on about how if you are a bad photographer the camera is useless and that cameras can't think for you etc, when I finally had enough. My response, smiling all the way-
"Do you always sell cameras by calling the your customers bad photographers, or is only because I happen to be woman?"
Ofcourse a bit of patronizing apologies followed...up until I bought the camera.

Can I say its the sexiest thing I've come across?
The camera that is, not the FutureShop guy -nice eyes though!

Ofcourse, I immediately went off to take some pictures of the scattered cherry blossoms trees in my neighbourhood.

Yes its low light- a usual cloudy morning in Vancouver. Maybe a guy would spend hours playing with the options right there, but I didn't want to freeze my toes off.
But never underestimate the power of Photoshop - you can always edit it to look like the real thing.

TA-DA

I'm not a photographer but they R pretty eh?
Surprisingly not as fragrant as I had hoped -but flowers in north america generally are not.
Probably driven by natural selection based on the high concentration of allergy sufferers.
LET YOU CHILDREN EAT SOME DIRT, people. Stop wiping everything with anti-bacterial spray!!

Sorry didn't mean to go off on a tanget, but its sad that so many Vancouverites are allergic to the flowers with all the fresh sea air around!
No stopping to smell the roses for these suckers.

Homesick...again....well always

2007-03-28T02:11:00.000-04:00

Congratulations Bangladesh in making it to the second round of World Cup Cricket!
How encouraging it must be for the people in Bangladesh now with everything that was going on.

Ofcourse being out in beautiful but totally dull West Coast, the excitement was only relayed via phone to me. Not one single person around me is watching cricket since I live in the non-Surry part of Vancouver and I only like cricket in theory.
My parents apparently had a cricket party at their house with their friends on sunday, for the Bangladesh vs Barbados..err..Barmuda.. game. If that wasn't enough excitement, after the win, they got my brother to print out flags from the computer, stuck them on the dashboard and then drove everyone to Danforth to celebrate.

Yes, your life just hits a new level of low when you parents are partying more than you.

Oh well, atleast its nice to see my parents get their youth back...and kinda cute too.

Speaking of Danforth- I'm really craving a bengali samosa i.e. Shingara these days. Don't get me wrong- Samosas are like EVERYWHERE in Vancouver. They are what Jamaican patties are to Toronto. But its not the real samosa- spices are not right and they are made from the frozen veg medley (peas, carrots) with potatoes. Where are the fried onion bits? The Five-spices (paach phoron) bits? I should have learnt to make it when I was living at home!! I'm going to this time. And strangely I'm even missing Ilish(only fish thats yummy in curry for me) bhuna with mustard seeds paste....with all the fish eggs! mmm
Grossing you out?
Good.
Now come and cook for me.

Basically very homesick and counting down days till April 30th when I'm back in Toronto. I'm also planning a month's hiatus after that...an exploration into the past sort of a thing. More on that on another day.

Back to idiotic bioethics essay writing now.

Killer Rabbit

2007-03-19T18:57:00.000-04:00

What Monty Python Character are you?

Mean lil fellow, arn't you?
Take this quiz!

HAHAHA.......I'm pleased! Now run away you pansies.

Celebrating this space

2007-03-15T18:28:00.000-04:00

It just realized its almost been three years that I've started this blog. What a loser eh?
Oh trust me I've thought of ending it when I have clearly run out of things to say, lost any creativity I possessed or apparently pissed someone off. Where most bloggers I know have moved onto different spaces, made fresh starts on the blogsphere or just moved out of it, I have felt a strange attachment to it. Its not like I've written anything substantial in the 244 posts so far, but I'm fond of this new journal of mine. Probably speaks volumes about my pack-rat nature. I have kept the old (horror) hand written ones, so why not this one? I also (major embarrassing confession coming up) enjoy reading my old writings.
Admit it- You do it too!
With the hand-written ones, I have marvelled at the change in handwriting in my journals since I was a wee 11 year old and wondered what it means.
I can't do that with this one. But I can trace some of the journey.

All started in the late spring time of 2004 when I was a clever 26 yr old.
Back when I wrote a post every other day and had something to vent about
...like T-shirts and cell phones.
This blog had been with me in my creative times with a paint-brush and my foray into political thinking, many many times.

Ofcourse, no single, brown girl's blog is ever complete without venting about
dating, marriage, and brown culture. But I also wrote about of various members of the family like my kid brother . My mother has made frequent short appearances.

This was journal marked many important times (some only to me) of my life-
when I moved out , met a ghost, went on a shopping spree, contemplated on
old traditions, waved goodbye to dear ones, got sick , turned 27 and cooked for a friend

2005 had some more rants about double standards or my disdain for golf, stopping only to,take mental pictures, review some movies and plays in Toronto.

Then it was back in the never ending family drama of 'get married...come on get married' once and too many times. This resulted in the "Samosa for the Arrange Souls" series you can see on the right. I'm glad people liked it.

Ofcourse some times, I reflected about my past , present and future.
But most times I tried (in vain) not to think about being single but come up with crazy ideas, re-evaluations and go back to watching movies

Its what I do, best.

Happiness formula

2007-03-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

Being in an unknown city with few acquaintances and ample time away from work and school is good for reminiscing. I've realized that with all the recent disappointments in my life with school, uncertain work as well as a horribly failed relationship, some how I'm not entirely 'unhappy' now.
I felt very sad for a few days, disoriented for the next few and now I'm in a ' oh well I guess that's how things are going to be' phase ...but not entirely unhappy. I used to go through extreme highs and lows in my teens, then for a period in my undergrad years I was extremely unhappy where I did some pretty stupid things that made me realize I am tired of being unhappy. I tried to rid my life of situations as well people that made me unhappy and not be so hard on myself to be good. I've been happy with my life since then.
I don't know if I have some formulae now that will keep me moderately happy with life in the future, but I try to analyze what works (friends, family, pets, children, books, organized workspace etc ) or doesn't work (unkind people, risk taking, running away, hard work without results) for me and try different things (healthier eating habits, exercise, facing fears) every year to add the list of things that work.

This woman has came up with a somewhat simile formulae to happiness in a Happiness Project that she is composing for a book. According to her, "to think about your happiness, you must think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT (or, in fancier language, positive affect, negative affect, and life satisfaction.) To boost your happiness, you have to think about all three elements and figure out how to increase your good feelings, decrease your bad feelings, and make sure you’re feeling right. "

So I tested to see if its actually true and are there things that I did recently that fall into these categories.

Feeling Good
-Going to watch a movie that I've been meaning to on the big screen (Pan's Labyrinth).
-Planning a break. This time, a visit to see Simica in San Francisco.
-Buying pretty but inexpensive jewellery about once a month.
-Talking to people with whom I can always be myself.

Feeling Bad
-Not calling people I love more often and not receiving calls from people I thought who cared about me, always makes me feel either guilty or I start to question my worth. Eventually I give in and make that call or email to reach the person even if they haven't made any effort. It pays off as I do hear back (from some) and it makes the day brighter even when the phone rings at 5 in the morning, as it did today from a close friend from mine from Kuwait.
-My parent's nagging makes me really mad and then upset. But I try to pick my fights and laugh off the rest. Keeps me sane.
-A while ago, the emotional distance from my sister who has been my best friend all my life, was very distressing. She was changing and so was I. The more time went by after she got married, the more difficult it became to reconnect to the point we could barely be in the same room. We finally had a big blowup one day last summer and brought out all the different issues we had with each other. It still took months after that to improve our relationship, catch up with what was going on in our lives and we made very conscious efforts to do so. It has been a very positive change and we are now close as ever and have a better appreciation for each other.

Feeling Right
- About the time when I started to feel more like a Canadian, I thought it fitting to learn French. It was language I was completely ignorant of as it was not a part of my school curriculum like Bengali, Arabic and Hindi were in Bangladesh and Kuwait. This felt strange because French was all around me. So in 2003 I took a 2 month Introductory French course with the 'Alliance Française' to familiarize myself with some part of this language. I still know little French, speak even less, but when I see French words its not completely alien to me and it gave me a sense of accomplishment. I do wish I stayed onto the next level to drill it into me better. Maybe I'll do that once I'm back.
- I have always felt more like tomboy/geek and all my life I dreamt of having the poise, sophistication and grace of some girls I know. I'm still far from achieving all that but I took up Salsa two years ago to discover if I had a feminine side to me. Turns out- I do. I also used to think being feminine is equal being somewhat weak, but salsa taught me there is strength in it and it felt right to embrace it. And apparently, I'm not entirely bad at Salsa either! :D
- Sports is not my strength. I have hated any physical exercise or activity. But even with years of dieting, interspersed with giving up, I had not managed to keep off the weight I lost for long. I finally had enough and joined a gym for the second time, by myself, a year and half ago. This time the aim was not to lose weight but to be healthy. My genetics will lead to some major health issues in the future and I know this. I tried my best to go regularly at least for 6 months and not think about the weight I lost- which was not much. I am still not at my ideal weight and I get lazy and avoid the gym for months. But what did happen was my apprehension about physical exercise disappeared. I now understand my own body better and feel like I control it more than it controls me. I actually like working out when I get around to dragging my lazy ass to the gym.

So this turned into a longer and more candid post than I had imagined and I don't know if this means the 'Happiness Project' formula works or not. You can judge for yourself.
But listing things is a very Taurus side of me and I helps me to move forward...a small step at a time.
So thanks for listening eh? :)

No life

2007-03-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

There are 266 movies on this list.
SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life.
Lets see how I score shall we?
Arranged by some kind of genre, here are 266 movies -

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( )Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 11

(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 16

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 23

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 28

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Seven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 34

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x)ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 37

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 44

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 54

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
( ) Kippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 57

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 63

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 65

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 70

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
( ) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( )Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 71

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 71

( ) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
( ) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
( ) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 72

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( )Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 78

( ) Battle Royale
( ) Battle Royale 2
( ) Brazil
(x) Contact
( ) Cube
( ) Dr. Strangelove
( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
( ) Four Rooms
( ) Memento
( ) Pi
(x) Requiem for a Dream
(x) Pulp Fiction
( ) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Run Lola Run
( ) Russian Ark
( ) Serenity
(x) Sin City
( ) Snatch
( ) Spider
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) The Village
( ) Waking Life
( ) Zatoichi
( ) Ikiru
( ) The Seven Samurai
(x) Brick
( ) Akira

Total: 85

Okay technically, I have seen endings of Kill Bill 1 and Kill Bill 2- does that count as one?
Oh what the heck, I self-declare I have no life. YEY! :D

And what about you?

More resolutions

2007-03-01T14:44:00.000-05:00

Finally I have proper resolutions for this year

1. Call my grandmother once a month (which has not worked so well yet, but it could all change),
2. Talk less.
For this I have recruited this random but obviously smart guy to drill it into me

Yes Sir.

The reason behind the resolution?
Well if you knew me you'd tell me talk less too. But most likely I won't listen to you.
Now I'm listening to the mountains of Vancouver.
Sure, I liked the Rockies back in 2005 (who wouldn't) but I was also a little uncomfortable with their quiet and imposing presence.
Vancouver mountains are no where as ginormous as the Rockies but they surround the city.
I completely ignored them the first two months of my move to here. I was always waiting for a glimpse of the ocean that was active, ever changing and I love to hear the waves crashing.
Then for the next two months, I noticed the mountains and I hated them. They were perfect reminders that I was in freaking Vancouver instead of Toronto!
In the last two months, I started observing that mountains change too depending on the clouds, the position of the sun and somehow my mood. They are more than spectacular on a clear day and they grew on me in way that was different from the time when I hiked up the Banff mountain. Now I can't seem to get away from their presence. Everywhere I look they are there and seem to be saying so much more with a quiet presence. They have taught me about patience and resolve and humility, in a different way from the ocean. I love them both now.

(here are a pictures to show you what I was seeing..not mine..as I hate lugging my giant camera with me)

Now if only the mountains offered a 2 month intense course to teach me to 'shut the eff up' I would be set. The nitty gritty of listening without comment and 'think before you open you trap hole' would be so beneficial.

I guess I'll have to find a way to do so on my own for the next two months.

(was that a suitably schizophrenic post for you? yeah me too)

The good thing is that I'll be returning to Toronto soon since the UBC thing didn't pan out. It was a risky thing leaving a steady job and friends and family but I wanted more and I wanted to feel like I had done as much as I could before I turn into an old maid.
Once I got over the disappointment of not doing my Masters here, I figured its probably for the best.
I don't belong here.
Vancouver is a beautiful city with its own quirks, but if you are not a outdoorsy, hiking, biking, Frisbee playing person its quite 'dull'.
Not sure what I'll be doing in Toronto once I'm back, but I'll be back to a city I love and among the civilized smog and black-iced streets like proper human beings should damnit.
Meanwhile, I have a feeling I'll miss the mountains no matter where I am.

Top 5 signs your life is not going 'so well'

2007-02-28T19:31:00.000-05:00

5 You go temporarily deaf in the midst of important converstations, repeatedly.
4 You crave a martini at 11 in the morning
3 Writing anything coherent you allude
2 Your teenage brother sounds saner than you
1 You find large cardboard boxes funny

Cheering up

2007-01-11T16:39:00.000-05:00

I was completely lied to about Vancouver or the earth is in real trouble now.
How can it snow so much?!

I'm smiling because at least it reminded me of Toronto :D Pretty no? But rain and not seeing the blue sky for days ...how shall I put it eloquently?....sucks!

So just in time for the SAD month, here's something to cheer up my gloomy days ahead.

My nephew- Irfan, whom I'm missing terribly.
He's now 18 months and loves cars, balls and muri(puffed rice).

His first Halloween, he dressed as a Lion

First time on the beach, he was already checking out the babes !

"But I hate flowers, I don't want to send the babes flowers"

"I'll call them instead"

"Can I have some chocolate please?" - is what he is saying. But I'm not allowed to give him any yet)

Now my other baby- Tusch, I'm happy to report, is very very happy at his foster home.
As you can tell from the picture, he loves the new bed his foster grandparents gave him.

He's made friends too. Here's his friend 'Rocky' with the injured paw

He's even got a platonic girlfriend named Shady Lady who visits him every evening.

Thanks so much to my dear J for taking such good care of him while I'm in Vancouver! Love you!

Three more years till 2010!

2007-01-03T21:17:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year to everyone!
Did you have a good new year's eve? Isn't it the most important night of the year?
Unlike last year(link), I am hesitant about making resolutions this time. I want to because I know that way I actually keep them, but I'm not sure what I want to get accomplished this year.
-I know I definitely want to lose 12-15 lbs and be a more active person.
-I would like to get the career options sorted out- Grad school or otherwise.
Beyond that- everything is kind of up in the air for me.
I hope to make another attempt at going to see my relatives in Bangladesh sometime and get a place of my own again with my own stuff. I want to settle down in one place for good now, but it might be unlikely this year.

I'm a little apprehensive about this year- somehow I feel its not going to be a happy one for me.
Maybe I'll make my resolutions on my birthday instead of January- Just in case.

Fingers crossed!

Salsa in Vancouver

2006-12-16T12:44:00.000-05:00

Last night was the first time I felt at home in Vancouver since being here- I went to a salsa event with a couple of new friends. I'm definitely out of practice but it was comforting to know that salsa people are salsa people everywhere!
Granted the venue could be better (Evangelical church auditorium?) but it was a fundraising....for some ...person....a salsa dancer...suffering from ....oh I don't know. There was Salsa, Merengue and Bachata music; a not so good salsa instructor and all categories of salsa dancing men and women that you'd run into any Toronto salsa clubs.

Type A- They arrive in the middle of the lesson and languish in the back tables. The women are impeccably dressed for salsa i.e. frilly skirts or jeans with a well ventilated top. The men, very casually dressed in untucked striped shirts and jeans, sit with a bored , lemon faced expression and crack open a smile occasionally but only at Type A women. all of whom they seem to know. They are the serious salsa dancers who come out at least three/four times every week and make their way through all the events around the city. An A type man will only ask you to dance once if you are new to the club, barely tolerate your presence and never ask you again if you are not upto their level. Please don't be offended. Its not personal. You'll know when you see them in action. They are a vision to be revered on the dance floor as they swing and spin Type A women, who in their part seem to be made of jello as they swirl, swoosh and do splits- all the time never losing their partner. They are...as Cindy pointed out...making salsa babies.
Advice: Accept an offer to dance, try and follow, then sit and enjoy the view.

Type B- First on the scene, there for the whole lesson and always asks you for a dance. Be cautious. These are the new eager salsa dancers in the midst of their first month in taking classes. If you happen to be on your third month, you'd soon tire of their awkward leading and their complains that you are not doing it right. They have not learnt the first lesson of Salsa- the women are never wrong if the men know how to lead.

Type C- They are dressed like the Type A guys but they are nicer people. These are the guys you want to learn from and if you are a confident enough woman- ask them for a second dance. They will spin you right, make you look good even if you are counting in your head instead of listening to the beat and best of all- they'll give you tips and repeat steps just so you'll get it. Occasionally they can be a little too intense and come across creepy as they invade, what you thought until that point was, your personal space. But its not intentional- they feel the music and the dance and just want you to trust them to lead you good. Let go, follow, ask questions and dance away.

Type D- Mystery men. They come with a partner, don't really dance often unless they are grabbing their partner's bums but stay till the end for mysterious reasons.

Now ,this is important.
Ladies, pay attention.
There are no datable type men at salsa club. It's not the usual club. If you think you are going to meet a nice guy with shared interest in salsa, forget it. Not that such guys are not at the club with the exact same agenda, but you probably won't run into them. They will be too chicken to ask you to dance and if they do they'll be too busy trying to impress you by dancing to start any meaningful conversation.
Salsa at a club is, as my friend Whitney (the confident super salsa dancer) would say, a 5 minute one night stand (or something like it)- you are completely in tune with your partner for the 5 minutes you are dancing. Only its safer, guiltless and just as exhilarating.

I really should get back to taking classes in the new year though. Its the most fun way you can work up the heart-rate to healthy scale. Go with a friend if its your first time taking lessons.

Two bedtime stories

2006-12-10T03:55:00.000-05:00

Gather around children.
I have two tales from the collection of 'Russian Fairy Tales' by Aleksandr Afanas'ev , originally published in 1945 that I'm currently reading.
You will love it.

First tale is from page 278 and its called 'Daughter and Stepdaughter'

(Summarized)-Man with daughter remarries. Stepmom banishing the stepdaughter to the woods. Stepdaughter is kind to animals and gets rewarded for it. Greedy stepmom sends own daughter away to the woods. Daughter is unkind and gets eaten by bear.
The End.

Our second story of the night is titled 'The Stubborn Wife'
(I'm typing this one out exactly how it appears in the book)

Once a peasant shaved his beard and said to his wife "Look how well I have shaved". "But you haven't shaved, you have only clipped your beard", said the wife. "You are lying, you wretch, I have shaved!" "No its clipped."
The husband thrashed the wife and insisted: "Say its shaved or I'll drown you!"
"Do what you will but its still clipped." He took her to the river to drown her.
"Say its shaved!""No its clipped." He led her into the water upto her neck and shoved her head in. "Say its shaved!" The wife could no longer speak, but she raised her hand from the water and showed by moving tow fingers like a pair of scissors that his beard was clipped.
The End.

Good night.

-----------------
I've loved the Bengali 'pomegranate prince' (dalim kumar), Slavic 'house walking on chicken legs', Arabic 'tortoise swimming with a city growing on its shell', Japanese 'peach boy'...BUT! come on now! What was that?

Six weird things about me

2006-12-08T19:46:00.000-05:00

Why 6?- Its slightly better than 5 which is just too average, but less than 10 weird things which will be too weird. Very weird analogy but hey its on the list.

So, six weird things about me-

1. I say 'I'll do something' always followed by 'Inshallah' which translates to 'God willing'.
Why its weird: Born Muslim, I'm agnostic
2. I cannot leave books opened anywhere. I have a compulsion to close it.
Why its weird: My mother thinks it leads to knowledge evaporating or something highly 'logical' like that. I believe her.
3. I hate eating on/drinking out of chipped china.
Why? Don't know. I find it yucky. I feel like I'm eating/drinking what ever chinaware is made if and not to mention I've heard somewhere that its unlucky to do that.
4. I always have a handy reason for my actions - logical or otherwise
5. I hate buying shoes
6. I am convinced I'll die too soon. Don't know when that would be, but whenever the time will come, it would be too soon.

Update on being in Vancouver?
I'm dealing with it better and I've come up with Plan B , C and D.
Hello Optimism, I missed you.

High above the mountains

2006-11-23T20:30:00.000-05:00

*Random thoughts on a plane*

There are three remarkable thing about flying-
1. Sunrise and sunsets last longer and are more spectacular because you are seeing it from above and under the sky...All at the same time.
2. Even from 60,000 feet you can see the horizon, which means two things
a) You are quite high above the ground
b) You are not high enough to escape it
.......kind of like Life, I think.
3. If you are bored of the remarkable science of flying and the cramped quarters only enhanced by crappy movies on small screens, you have lots of time to think as you are, in a manner, suspended in time zones. I just take it as 'Time stood still for me'. Pretty self-centered of me but it works. Flying is one of the few times I'm thankful for being short.

So I think.
Where am I coming from and where am I going?
Metaphorically that is.
Well I've come from beings naive, trusting, depressive, logically romantic "you choose whom you love and love is great", suicidal, angry, impulsive 18 year old to........a
...... still naive, even more trusting, romantic "love chooses you and its great", self-assured but still highly self-deprecating, less angry, impulsive 28 year old with a renewed appreciation for living and a self-diagnosed borderline personality disorder.
My first inclination, faced with a wall, is still to flee. But now at least I'm not thinking of escaping from life altogether. It took years to see 'the light' and ended when I stopped being afraid of living. I starting doing everything I was scared of and saw things I never imagined...which got me thinking about all the other things I haven't experienced....now I'm determined not to miss out.
I guess I'm proud of myself in that regard and also the people who love me and stood by me.
But these days I wonder about my restlessness.
Is it only a product of the 21st century?
In an interesting Spanish movie i saw at the VIFF (Vancouver International Film Festival), 'Obaba', the protagonist asked her lover why he stayed, at the same city of a few streets perched on a hill, all his life instead of traveling out like everyone else. His reply was, "Why should I leave? I'm happy here. This is home to me."
For some reason that reply stayed with me for days.
Is that all we are searching for in life?
Home?
Or is it just the 'how can there be better things out there' thinking of a 'frog in a well'?
I used to think and still do, that to achieve something in life you have to explore by writing out a new course. Nothing new gets done following a set path.
Not everyone thinks that way and they stay at peace.
So does that mean only a few go forth where there's no stability only to take a long road home?
Yes, it might be a sense of 'home' that we are all trying to achieve- either at a place, with a person or with an idea. But what is achievement anyway? What others think you should have accomplished or what you have imagined for yourself ? Either way, there's a lot of pressure.
And where does 'chance' fit into all of this?
Does it shape a lot of outcomes?
I'm beginning to believe in 'chance' if not 'destiny or fate'. I'm thinking that you could try and shape everything around you but 'chance' could very easily bend it out of shape and decide the outcome for you.
Its not necessarily a bad thing.
Sometimes its nice to be at Chapter's when you are not even thinking of buying a book and pick up a book at random from the '80% OFF Fiction' pile, take it home and find out it tells the story of your life. It makes you smile to yourself and then rush through the details just to see it end well.

Holding up

2006-10-25T20:52:00.000-04:00

I've always loved the idea of a mentor. Its something I grew up with- one day I'll meet the person(s) who'd inspire me and guide me to achieve success and in the process I'd become a better 'me'. Ofcourse then I'd be famous and in my autobiography I'd get a chance to thank this person(s).
Over the years there have been many who have captivated me as I childishly fixated on them and imagined them as a mentor, patiently waiting for their guidance. There have been a couple of teachers, a few family members, an ex friend and even a stranger on a train. But their influence faded a little with growing distances between us or their follies coloured my views of them or they slipped out of my life completely.
Now I've given up looking for guidance from a mentor and am learning to trust my instincts as the best guide. But the people who continued as my mentors through the influence of their incredible lives are people I would never meet- Rabindranath Tagore(author,singer,mystic), Louis Pasteur(scientist), Begum Rokeya(educator), Joseph Lister(scientist) and Audrey Hepburn (actor, she is less mentor and more the kind of woman I want to emulate in looks and mannerism I guess).
Interesting coincidence about the last person- I found out that one of two her favourite poems was 'Undending Love' by Tagore. The other one, which is more like a inspiring forward than a poem but still nice, goes something like this :

Time-Tested Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone..

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

by- Sam Levenson

Its sound advice in humility. Very Gandhi like in the manner of "you'd never realize the importance of torn shoes until you've met the man with no legs". Or something like that quote was always showing up in the Indian School textbooks in Kuwait. That quote alone had a bigger influence on me before I found out about his his entire life story. But then Mahatma Gandhi is a generic mentor for eveyrone along with Mother Teresa.

Anyway, my mentor's accomplishments at the end of difficult times, is what I'm trying to remind myself of these days so that I can go through with living in Vancouver for the next little while and not go compltely over the edge.

Yes Mother

2006-09-21T18:40:00.001-04:00

While recovering from a fall a few months ago, my mother read one of my favourite books 'Tamarind Mem' by Anita Rao Badami. I recommended it to her along with some Bengali books she had not read. I figured it will stop her from thinking about pretending to be alright and moving around to catch up on her household chores instead of resting like she should. My mother isn't happy unless she is doing something 'productive'.

Cue: Flashback to 20 summers spent following mother's list of
Productive Things to do over Summer instead of having fun that included things like
- getting instructed on Grade 8 English when one is studying in the 2nd grade,
- learning to stitch an entire outfit, sitting for O-Levels for no apparent reason,
- figureing out how to cut and cook a whole chicken without instructions
Fun times!

Anyway, she did read the book and even liked it. You see, as much as she likes to complain about- my excessive (!) reading, purchasing another bookshelf instead of a dresser, buying books instead of expensive makeup; my mothers used to be an avid reader when she was young. She says she hasn't had the time or inclination to read for decades. The idea scares me. Maybe that's why I don't want to be married with kids.

Either way, I was pleased that she liked something that I love.
Then she smiled and actually said out loud, "Why don't you write a book about me like that?"
Imagine my surprise at her insight (into how much Tamarind Mem resembles her) and the sudden flattery.
Oh my god!! Was that an approval?
Then I got what she actually meant-
"Be productive with all the reading you do and and write something."
I'm nothing if not a dutiful daughter.

How to survive 5 hours on the beach on your own

2006-09-08T14:29:00.000-04:00

Labour Day at the Kitsilano beach (Pictures not my own)

Packed :
1 Bathing suit
Pair of skorts
2 Towels
2 Books - one fluff and one that I've been meaning to finish for a while
Music
Pair of sunglasses
Lip gloss
Cute summer top

12:00 pm
Get the head phones on and start walking. Man, people love to garden around here. This one red flower looks like 'Shimul' tree in Dhaka.

12:15 pm
Hello ! Stalker kitten that hisses and follows around to make sure I'm out of its territory! Wonder what's Tusch doing.

12: 17 pm
Wonder just how pricy it would be to rent one of the rooms at the townhouses with balconies overlooking the ocean. Wonder if the owner is male and single. Wonder if he is at the beach waiting for me to walk by- the girl of his dreams whom he must take home for some tea.

12:18pm
I'm a shallow person. True love. Repeat to yourself, damnit. True love.

12:45pm
Great. Did all the G-string wearing babes of the neighbourhood decide to sunbathe today? Wheres that darn hat to cover puffy face? Should have worn the long skirt to cover flabby thighs.

1:00pm
I have better boobs.

1:05pm
This is the life. Fresh salty smell of air. Wonderful breeze that takes the heat of the sun. Sound of the waves. Sand in my toes. Gorgeous boys playing volleyball. 'Staying at Daisy's' is turning out pretty good too.

1:45pm
Its quite nice sitting on the blanket leaning against the logs. What a great idea!

2:15pm
Why would anyone choose to wear dockers to the beach? Shit, he's walking this way. Great, now I have to be friendly.

2:30pm
Yey. Drove off creepy french guy with gold bracelets. No I don't know when the sunset is. Yes its a nice beach. No I don't know that aprartment at Yonge and Steels. You have been here how long? Ofcourse I have a boyfriend who took me sightseeing around other beaches- now go away.

2:55pm
Hmm who knew sitting on sand for long can hurt your bum? Wonder if the restuarant by the beach sells anything interesting. Feel like an iced cuppacino. Shit. Forgot. No Timmy's.

3:00pm
Score! Special of the day- $1 Nacho and cheese :D Love labour day!

3:05pm
Sitting and munching on nachos while reading , under the umbrells on a proper chair at the patio by the beach beats sitting under the sun on the sand by the beach 6 to 4. Sometimes distance from nature is not bad.

3:20pm
Ocean's not too cold for wading in, but definitely not inviting enough to swim in with all the seaweed floating around. hmm. I love watching wet sand getting washed back by the waves. Only if I had a head for poetry.

3:25pm
Going for a swim in the warm salt water pool by the beach is about the same as swimming in the ocean no? I still have the same air and the same view of the mountains flaoting on my back. I must be a water child- I kind of forget the mountains are there half the time.

4:15pm
Aparently 'Do not swim after a meal' is not just a old-wife's tale. Oh well I guess I just sunbathe to a crispy grey tan- just thinking about mother's face is cracking me up.

4:20pm
I miss everyone.

4:30pm
Hungry again. Its kinda nice walking around in wet bathing suit and skorts. Everyone is doing it! How fit are these people? Maybe I should pick up roller blading.

4:45pm
Did I just inhale the all of the oily Fish and Chips?!
Well. Atleast I didn't have pop with it. I'm on vacation damnit.

6:00pm
Book was nice- I love happy endings at the moment. Its good to sit on the patio for an hour without getting kicked out for not buying anything else. Wonder if I should stay for the sunset.

6:05pm
Shite, CD player's out of batteries. Oh well guess sunsets have to wait.

Must repeat Next weekend...only that time make friends.

Hello BC!

2006-09-02T03:23:00.000-04:00

It'll be 6 days that I've been in sunny Vancouver. Yes its still sunny and just gorgeous.
Not being smug or anything but I feel like I've been here longer. Maybe its taking the bus everywhere- its a sure thing to make you at home. The west coast has been friendly; at times too friendly. Walk around with a pop-out map and people are eager to give you directions, even bad ones that require too much walking. We all know I hate the actual walking around for hours part of exploring a new city. I need frequent breaks.

Its been 5 nights spent at my new home with a bunch of strangers. First night I got to spend at a beautiful penthouse in the middle of downtown. Don't ask. I know people who know people :)
Anyway, my new roomies have been very sweet and laid back. I love the house- not too pretty on the outside but spacious inside. Its very weird cooking in a kitchen where you own none of the utensils while pretending they are yours....to the point that you almost burn the house down while making tea. Everyone has been too kind. Its an interesting house. I esp like the laundry in a basement room- very 'Silence of the Lambs'.

My room is on the second floor and quiet bare now- just a calender on the wall so far. I havn't unpacked anything- not ready for it yet. Got an air mattress thats slowly losing air- thankfully its a breeze to blow up. he he he. breeze. he he he.
Sorry its late and I'm forcing myself to stay up past midnight to adjust to the time.

Everyone has been saying how brave it is to move so far out west like this. But I feel its almost been inevitable for me. I wasn't ready two years ago, but I'm ready now.
I have a bus pass. Bring it on.

I miss Tusch though.

The End and the Beginning

2006-08-14T12:43:00.000-04:00

There is supposed to be a ceasefire in the middle-east now.
Will it last?
Will it even end anything?
I always thought this *war* (someone should call that already) was really the beginning of something sinister. Worse than 9/11.
Something resulting from unknown goals of higher personnel; leading to unknown number of death of the little people on all sides. It doesn't even matter now which conspiracy theory you believe in.
People are dead.
Dead.

Thought this poem was quite apt.

The End and the Beginning

After every war
someone has to clean up.
Things won't
straighten themselves up, after all.
Someone has to push the rubble
to the sides of the road,
so the corpse-laden wagonscan pass.

Someone has to get mired
in scum and ashes,
sofa springs,
splintered glass,
and bloody rags.

Someone must drag in a girder
to prop up a wall.
Someone must glaze a window,
rehang a door.

Photogenic it's not,
and takes years.
All the cameras have left
for another war.

Again we'll need bridges
and new railway stations.
Sleeves will go ragged
from rolling them up.

Someone, broom in hand,
still recalls how it was.
Someone listens
and nods with unsevered head.
Yet others milling about
already find it dull.

From behind the bush
sometimes someone still unearths
rust- eaten arguments
and carries them to the garbage pile.

Those who knew
what was going on here
must give way to
those who know little.
And less than little.
And finally as little as nothing.

In the grass which has overgrown
causes and effects,
someone must be stretched out,
blade of grass in his mouth,
gazing at the clouds.

by Wislawa Szymborska
(translated from the Polish by Joanna Trzeciak)
From SiroccoBlog

Happiness Express

2006-07-28T17:32:00.000-04:00

I need a break from the stress, anxiety and tears that have plagued my moving plans to Vancouver. What better way than making up a list (in no particular order) of things that have given be joy in Toronto for the last decade and things I'd have to and like to squeeze into my last month here but probably will not be able to!

10 Best things in Toronto that I'll miss

1. The subway and streetcars: I love them. They are such wonderful alternatives to the horrid buses. I'm going to miss them a lot in Vancouver.
2. Eaton Centre : My favourite shopping destination. Its huge and follows one straight line and it has EVERYTHING! 1 hour and I'm happy as a clam, provided I've bought something (eg. pink razors)
3. University of Toronto campus: Its pretty and every corner has a memory- there were reading Bengali books at Roberts Library, extended lunch discussions at the Med Sci cafeteria and the UofT bookstore with beautiful high ceilings and my discovery of Anita Rao Badami's Tamarind Mem.
4. FOOD: All my favourite sushi joints, Spring Rolls, the new Crepe place we discovered on Queen street, roasted marshmallow icecream at Greg's on Spadina/Bloor, Ferraro Rocher gelato at Hollywood Gelato, hot chocolate at this tiny cafe on Wellington, Brunch at Hot House Cafe
5. Learning how to Skate at Harbourfront centre
6. Theatre: Fringe festival, Second City, Elgin Winter Garden theatre (its gorgeous inside), Shakespeare in the Park
7. Toronto International Film festival: There's going to be a Bangledeshi fim on this year and I'm going to miss it.
9. All the old churches and buildings of Toronto: We have a castle and I didn't even know it until a year ago!
&
10. My tiny apartment where I had my first taste of freedom. I will miss it terribly and all the lovely friends who frequented it with unabashed good humour.

5 things I should be doing before I leave Toronto in a month:

1. Find place to live in Vancouver by checking online listings by the hour
2. Find a place to live in Vancouver that will allow Tusch to come with me
3. Sell all my furniture from the apartment or find a good moving company to move it
4. Sort through all my books and divide them into piles that
a) I must take to vancouver with me at any cost
b) can be packed and shipped at a later date should I stay longer than a year
c) possible impulse buys and tattered copies of murder mystries that I can donate to the library
5. Spend time with family

10 things I'd like to do instead, before I leave Toronto in a month:

1. Go for Masala Dosa at Udupi Palace at Gerrard India Bazaar
2. Buy a colourful (pink) sun umbrella at Spadina
3. Have afternoon High-tea at Red Tea Box on Queen street
4. Go on a Lonely Planet guided walking tour of downtown Toronto with Simica
5. Watch "Spamalot" at Canon(vertigo) Theatre
6. Sip some cosmo with friends on the rooftop patio at 'Smooze'
7. Replace the pink earring I lost from the weekend vendors at Dundas Square
8. Visit the Bata Shoe Museum
9. Find a vendor that sells snow cones and have two of them
10. Rent a bike and bike around Centre-Island

Time and money will probably object to my achieving all of the above.
But so long as I get snow cones, I might be ok :)

Hodgepodge thoughts of the day

2006-07-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

I discovered recently that when you google my first name, this blog shows up with the title "A Sunshine two brief" . I mean I know googling my name points you to my blog, but I never noticed the typo. TWO brief?!! Hello? TWO brief?
I briefly went into a silent panic, as Simica kept up a friendly snickering, that maybe it IS a typo on my part. Went investigating all over my template and dashboard and found that nowhere do I type it as 'TWO brief'. Does someone in the blogger boardroom have a fetish for 'briefs' and wants to see girls layering two of them like the t-shirts?
Ugh.
Bad mental image.

On my walk to work today I was formulating a very clever, so I thought, post about the whole crisis in Middle-east thing and how it looks like the beginning of something nasty and that it just might have completely pushed me over to the fundamentalist-agnostic-borderline atheist position. The title was going to be- "God is dead, we killed him". But apparently the ghost of god has a nasty mind and still wields a finger from the other world.
I just lost the place I was planning to rent in Vancouver. The inconsiderate woman gave it way to someone!

Never get a full physical. It doesn't bring to good news. Never read up at webmd either.

Did you know that watching a thunderstorm approach from a 16 floor patio is not nearly as pretty as watching it from the beach? Its kind of scary actually. Esp when the sky is all hellish red.

Perfectly happy weekends can bring a tear to the eye too and it is possible to miss someone for the future.

Edinburgh is pretty!

My work badge and key contraption has eloped with my USB key that has been MIA for two months now. I'm keeping an eye on the pen-on-a-string now.

One way trip to New Zealand will cost me my entire savings right now. Damn.

I want to run through a beautiful green meadow, then jump off a cliff into a raging ocean and in the last minute turn into a bird to fly off somewhere far.

Shores

2006-07-18T13:50:00.000-04:00

Boat

-Rabindranath Tagore

I must launch out my boat.
The languid hours pass by on the
shore---Alas for me!
The spring has done its flowering and taken leave.
And now with the burden of faded futile flowers

I wait and linger.
The waves have become clamorous, and upon the bank

in the shady lane the yellow leaves flutter and fall.
What emptiness do you gaze upon!
Do you not feel a thrill passing through the air
with the notes of the far-away song
floating from the other shore?

Midsummer update

2006-07-11T16:57:00.000-04:00

My poor neglected blog must think I hate its new look too much to scribble anything on it.
Well I don't hate it really......even though one person called it 'ugly'....but I'm not a big fan of it either. It lacks a certain warmth and the text is too small for my liking. I'm going to let it grow on me.
Actually, I've been too caught up with ...stuff...(i.e. lazy) to write anything.
On the plus side, I've started dreaming again. In Bollywood movie style. Can't remember the details but it featured colours, courtesans, vanishing acts, voice alarms, old buildings and Shah Rukh Khan...oh and Rani Mukharjee with some Bengali aunty I don't like. Yeah. I know. It was weird, even for me.
Moving on....
I've finished two books and two more movies since the last time.
The movies were really good- Constant Gardener(5 *s) and Match Point(4*s). Still have to see Pirates.
Books I'll review soon...when I'm feeling more articulate.
I also, if you must know, almost decided I want to give up being single and stuff and have kids as cute as Irfan. Did I mention he's practicing walking? We spent a beautiful sunday morning together with him holding my finger and showing me around their yard, picking up golf balls, pointing at flowers, flashing me cutesy wrinkly nose smiles.
Yep I contemplated having my own kid for 3 whole hours!
Then I remembered how he threw up all over his mom's beautiful saree the night before and slammed on the fertility brakes just in time. On my sister's part- she didn't even blink. Some people are born mothers and others as cool aunties who love to spoil the nephews with chocolates since they are 2 months old.
Evidence of his cuteness:

I also watched an entire game of football sunday and didn't fall asleep thinking how easy it would be to end the torture by handing out 22 footballs to the teams and be done with it.
I have some interesting developments as well.
I do!
I'm getting married.
And moving in with scary in-laws.

Just Kidding

I'm moving though.
To rainy-but-near-the-ocean - Vancouver!!
Apparently emailing and asking to work with a prof for a year, works...even if you have to needle them weekly to remind them to send stuff...which, I'm still doing.
Nyway, I'm 95% sure that I'm moving somewhere near Universtiy of British Columbia, Vancouver, possibly by end of August or early September- depending on how the house hunting goes. The plan is to share a house with strangers, who will no doubt become friends. *insert silent non-religious prayers "Please god, don't turn my future roomies into psychos just to torture me for leaving my family"*
Actually I thought the announcement went over okay with the parents.
Only three days of guilt with cries of "But I have two guys lined up for you and one liked your biodata" followed by "Why not go to Ottawa? so and so went there" and teary "you must hate us".
Yep. I think they are handling it pretty good.

So looks like at least one of my resolutions for 2006 is coming true and unfortunately nullifying all other ones, where I was going to take up dancing and language classes and save money.
Well there's still time.
I might befriend a french, gay dancer in Vancouver by the end of the year!
Saving money will never happen apparently in my case. I blame Sadiya's fiance for reading my palm and pointing out that fact. Now I won't even attempt to save large chunks of money. Only enough to help in the move.
Till then, I have a request. Please keep your fingers crossed for Tusch. I'm hoping I won't have to give him up.

Stay tuned for Fringe Festival updates later today.

Words

2006-06-20T23:45:00.000-04:00

I'm a big believer in the power of words- written words ofcourse, but spoken words as well.
Two movies that I watched recently made me question the latter portion of my belief. I watched them consecutively so its possible that the order in which I watched them had some influence on my views, but here it goes.

Closer was the first one- I had heard a lot about it. The critics- raved and the regular folks I know who saw it- balked. I was told it's 'sad'. So I figured I had to be in the appropriate mood to watch it - i.e. when i'm avoiding people. It was 'interesting'- didn't make me sad though.
I viewed it as a study on what people define as 'love'. Whether its the 'earnest love' depends on your definition of love. Can you love the person you are cheating with, along with the person you are cheating on? Does love require honesty? Above all- what does 's_x' have to do with love? A lot gets said- most of it very profane and direct. The thing that caught me was the fact that even though the four characters were talking a lot to each other....saying things most people generally don't like to say......they were still not saying what was really in their mind and ultimately it didn't bring them closer to each other. Except maybe Clive Owen's character, who appeared to be saying all that was on his mind and someone he was creepiest of them all. Anyway, it was as if even the director couldn't play 'god' and tell us what the characters were thinking exactly. That, to me, was the brilliance in making this movie. Its so different. It refuses to give you solid answers or even hope. The end effect of it on me was that- I wanted to quickly forget the movie.

3-Iron (Bin Jip in Korean), recommended by a Film Festival buff I knew, was also a love story but almost a polar opposite of Closer. The main protagonists in that movie never speak....until one line at the end(yes it has the love word in it). Yet the effect of all the silence was strange, because the two of them knew exactly what the other was thinking and we-the viewer did too. For someone who talks a lot (my grandma seriously wonders how my friends and I get through any conversation!) it was very puzzling that so much earnest emotions could be delivered without ever uttering anything. It made me wonder what is really required for two people to fall in love and if there are such things as soul mates. It was not a movie I could stop thinking about after the credits rolled in.

Now Its just pure coincidence that I watched these two movies together, otherwise I don't know if I would have noticed the effect of spoken words. The possibility that we could be saying so much but not really what we are thinking truthfully......or... that with the right person, you don't need to say anything- seems like a real one now. Not that people should stop communicating, but maybe sometimes with all the noise of talking, the message gets dulled out. Only the smart ones are listening, I think.

New look

2006-06-16T17:49:00.000-04:00

It took less time than I thought!
I'm not completely satified with it yet.
I havn't figured out a way to put in my original title 'A Sunshine Too Brief' ...or any title for that matter...but soon enough.
I wish I could add this pictures as the Left-sidebar Cityline instead though....

Photo courtesy of Daily Dose of Imagery

That's a 'B'

2006-06-14T12:12:00.000-04:00

Since I usually get nothing done unless prodded, I am hoping this review from 'BloggyAwards will encourage me to update more regularly.

7/10 !
Bah. Score of my life since university :P
As for improving the visuals....oh I know ..believe me I know.. I'm oh so bored with this template but this is probably my limit to teaching myself html by peeking into the 'Source' section on other websites. Anyone willing to help me out on making this page look pretty without moving to 'wordpress' or other blogging templates?<-- thats me being nice. I probably will decline your help and do it myself in a month or two.

I'm a little baffled at the picture the 'Awards' people used for the review. Well maybe not baffled as much as a 'one raised eyebrow while smirking' reaction.

Sneaky!very sneaky indeed.
So am I the woman dragging the tiger(representing 'man'?) on a leash ?! *squinting* holding a flower on the other hand? Well, I'm told that I'm a lot like Monica from 'Friends'....though this flower has long being plucked.

he he ha ha...

*holding tummy and rolling on ground laughing at own joke*

On the other hand, if you airbrush the mustache, I could be the tiger cub wearing a beret being dragged by the 'mother'!

I think I'll opt for the second option......Owe is to be me' always works better don't you think?

Inactive mind

2006-06-06T13:46:00.000-04:00

I'm afraid I'm not dreaming enough at night.
I mean, scientifically I know I'm reaching the REM(Rapid Eye Movement) sleep stage...but I don't remember it when I wake up. Its gotten so bad that my brain can't be bothered even to repeat any of the past dreams like it usually does! Its in a permanent state of 'blah'.

Its my excuse for not blogging regularly.

Friendly Torontonians

2006-06-05T16:54:00.000-04:00

Recently I ran into two new arrivals to our city who proclaimed that 'Torontonians are Not friendly'.
This statement made in earnest was enough to wake me up from my lazy break from the blog world, because I was aghast when I heard it.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought you are from Atlanta! Are you telling me that Atlanta is a friendlier city than Toronto?!" etc so ran my retort.
Looking back on my reaction I wonder if it was due to the Descartes effect of the popular phrase 'Toronto is a friendly city' i.e. We Torontonians think we are a friendly bunch so we must be a friendly.

But are we really friendly?

What, in fact, decides the 'friendly-factor' of a city?

-Smiling faces?
-friendly chats with random strangers?
-Open minds?
-All of the above?

Are the criterion dependent on the size of the city? Most likely. So lets only look at big cities as I'm generally biased against small cities. They are great on a road trip/day trip but really how can one live in a place with one theatre?

Nyway.... Yes its true that people living in big cities do not smile. But here is a good reason Why. Its because 'Walking around with a smile on your face' generally gets the following reactions-
-butt pinched (or 'felt up')
-impromptu declarations of love
-close encounters from the homeless/crazy/druggy on the lines of "I'm homeless, wanna take me home?"
That is why everyone has learned to walk with a look of furious concentration of 'ohmygawd I'm late' . So excuse us for not smiling all the time.....We are smiling deep down.

Big cities are not generous. Most wondering artist, struggling visa student will tell you this. It is true unfortunately. It is however hasty to assume random acts of generosity do not occur in big cities. It might be small but I've been given generous directions ("You are standing on Bloor Street, miss", said with a straight face), allowed to board buses without the exact change and even drawn in chats with people standing in a queue about things other than the weather. People have been more than generous-with their time and money.

And Torontonians DO have an open mind...just take a walk down our 'Gayvillage'.
I don't know guys...... I think we are 'Friendly enough'! no? err....or atleast...no no definitely... 'Friendlier' than NY?! Oh yes. For sure.

Oh then, why do the Vancouverites(is that a term?) hate us so?

Bashing the workforce

2006-06-01T10:28:00.000-04:00

There was a sudden public transit strike this monday in Toronto. From the huffing and puffing that went on such as reflected on this post it'll seem like the sky has fallen. My goodness! There have been strikes before you know! We survived! In 1999 there was one that went for for days right in the middle of my exams. And you know what? I made it to my exam. There are other ways and I atleast didn't have to lose money like the strikers do. There are already signs that this strike wasn't as clear cut illegal as they are making it out to be. Sure it was without warning this time but still I wonder why is it that everytime workers strike people blame the workers as opposed to the admistration? Has everyone forgotten why we have 'unions' in the first place? I hear it all the time from 'uncles/dads'. Anytime someone strikes they are up in arms. Ranting against TTC workers seem particularly harsh and undeserved because of how badly they get treated by the TTC, a lot of which people are not aware of. We have a stroke patient, in the clinic I work at, who used to be a TTC subway operator and the stories we hear from him- so sad! And he isn't even that disgruntled of a worker.

Imagin this. If you had a job where all you are doing is mindlessly driving people who can't afford a car/dialysis patients/blind and deaf people and still are liable to get fired for bringing in your bus/train 1-minute later than the schedule, on top of getting regularly spit on, punched,kicked, beaten,shot at by your sober and drunk passengers while your company does nothing to protect you or provide you with means of escapeing the assault(like a door) and infact fire you because you tried to protect yourself...maybe just maybe you don't have the heart to look enthusiastic over your job eh? Do you then have the right to stick with the union and stay away from work without pay so that your family can be assured that you'll come home safe? Or do you have to ask for approval from people who do everything possible to make your job harder- like trying to pass you while you are letting off passengers?

There are lots of people like the blogger whose posted I linked to earlier who seem to think we can just do away with people in general in the workforce. Bring in the Robots! Its the solution to everything eh? Do they actually think we live in a science fiction movie? Does the garbage from your home get automatically packed into conveinent heart shaped packets to be burned as coal in your BBQ yet? No. It gets manually picked up by someone and then sorted. I once knew an engineer who thought "Doctors were uneccesary because we can just have computers doing the work". I really question the sanity of these people!. Why not invent such a system first instead of musicplaying/videorecording cellphones and then talk your big talk! And do they ever stop to think the economic reprecussions of all the manual workforce being out of a job? Ofcourse not.
As long as you are okay who cares about others;tThey are all stupid anyway-seems to be the general concensus.

Then the typical immigrant reaction is- "oh 'these white folks' dont' know how to do their work. We'll show thm!". Oh yes, bring in 'over-educated' immigrants into the TTC to drive buses... Try saying that to the people in the bengali community. Thats exactly what they will want to do with all their notions of what is the 'proper job' for an educated Bengali person right? Puleez. How many Desi people do you see doing work thats doesn't involve sitting at a desk? And I'm sure one gets really really wonderful proof of the work ethics of bengali people in Bangladesh eh with all the bribe taking, frequent tea-breaks ? What a bunch of hypocrites!

*going over to get sick*

Playground dreams

2006-05-27T21:04:00.000-04:00

My nephew

Mr Now

2006-04-12T17:01:00.000-04:00

I have some statistics on men.

*chorus from the readers* :"Ofcourse you do!"

*shattup*

Where was I?

Yes, the opposite sox (spelling changed coz far too many people keep stumbling onto this site looking for 'Bengali sox').

Right now, I believe 80% of the men in this world over the age of 21, are jerks.
The remaining 20% are gentlemen and make ideal mates. Among them:
10% would be attached or handicapped in a way that would make them unavailable.
5% would be gay.
leaving us with remaining 5% to fight over.

Thats why girls complain that they can't find good guys.
(no, I'm not running stats on women)
The other reason is because we all have this pre-conceived notion of how the 'ideal' partner would be. Not just in looks, career and temperments but the whole package.
"Someone like me"
"Someone who reads/writes/talks a lot/is quiet/passionate/kind/wild etc"
"Someone tall/dark/fair/muscular/hairy/non-hairy/nice eyes etc"
....are all obvervations I've heard thrown around (I do a lot of them myself)
Even the ones among us who don't think aloud details like these are infact lying to themselves.
We make these observations about not only ourselves, but other women friends/family members around us too. Possibly a woman thing or a human thing.
Anyway..
All the while we are probably dead wrong- a realization that has been quite startling for somone like me who doesn't believe in Love-at-first-sight or Fate.
Either I'm getting older and desparate or older and more liberal but I'm quite willing to believe you can never correctly predict your Mr Right-who-rides-off-into-the-sunset-with-you.
Its all a probability.
Maybe you'll be happy for a long time or not.
Since love is not a constant thing neither are your loved ones.
I think I'll be looking for a Mr Now instead.

On another note, I'll be basking in Florida for the next little while pretending to be 12 years old, looking for Alladin. If my dad doesn't permanantly get us lost in the US, I'll be back to TO on the 22nd.
I.E. I'll be back on the blogging board after that.
At some point.
I think.

*kisses in the air*
"Don't be jealous!"

On an entirely different note did you know Lays has made 'wasabi' flavoured chips now?
Can I just say 'Heaven' and also 'Sit me down with a bag and call me a Potato'.
What would be think of next ?

Death by Bento

2006-04-05T17:36:00.000-04:00

Everybody who is anybody who knows me knows about the 3rd religion of my life:

Sushi

I'm a great believer in its yummyness combined with' its-not-deep-fried-so-should-be-great-for-you' philosophy. It accounts for my monthly fish intake. It is also a replacement for salad like things you are supposed to have etc.

Obviously the corporate world couldn't leave it at that and have started to add MSG to all commercially made 'Bento Nouveau' (R) brand boxed sushi, the kind available in cafetaria freezers across ontario.

Bas****s

Sure, its entirely possible that all my favourite sushi joints (Oishi Kada in Kensington Market, Oyster Bar on Mt Pleasant) add MSG to their sushi too but you know I really could have done without knowing it.

So.

Just so you all know, I will some day be diagnosed with having a tumour for going healthy.

Life.
Don't talk to me about Life.

Pet Psychology

2006-04-05T17:23:00.000-04:00

If you ever wondered what your pet(current/past/future) says about you, look no further.
My extensive non-existent knowledge in psychology reveals this:

Big dog: You like having people you love surround you. You have self esteem issues in the way little old ladies do that you think everyone else is out to get you. So you want a purse or a mean killing machine to protect yourself. You love picking up shit after people

Cat: You are outgoing and positive. You hate to be depended on. Sure you are loyal to an extent, but you don't like the constant nagging from loved ones. You are also spoilt and lazy. Comfort means everything to you.

Little dog: You are cute. You define fashion and high life. You are also shallow and love to stamp on the little people, smiling all the while.

Bird: You are a homebody and love to have people over for tea. You are a control freak and hide a number of fresh skeletons in the closet. Thats not a metaphor for you.

Fish: You are dependable and successful. You are also extremely selfish and two faced. You like to portray the image of selflessness to lure people into liking you.

Lizard: You are spontaneous and friendly. You are a self-loather. Secretly you long to be bound and whipped and called ugly.

Goldfish: You are worthless and not worthy of love......even from an animal with a brain mass of 0.097 grams

Anything else: You are edgy and an inventor. You think you are different and better but you are actually just as stupid as everyone else only probably will die earlier.

*Sorry, I'm having a bad day*

On Being Smart

2006-03-06T17:28:00.000-05:00

" You are TOO smart!"
Someone very dear to me said it once.
Before there's an outcry of 'what a conceited girl' against such a confession let me add that this wasn't a compliment but an admonishment. It was said as a part of a monologue, theorizing all my many faults starting with my stubborn nature to the cause of my apparent singlehood. When she was done, I wanted to assure her that I am not. Smart, that is. Then I wanted to know what her definition of 'smart' was. I also wanted to ask why she thought 'being smart' was such a bad thing. In the end, I said nothing. Sometimes I feel its easier to prove your stand to strangers you don't care about than to people you love and who claim to love you back.

I've never forgotten the scolding though mainly because it wasn't the first time I was on the receiving end of such an admonishment and hence never stopped analyzing it either.
Like most negative comments I think it arose from her own false belief that 'I didn't think she is smart', which is perhaps based on her definition of smart - i.e. getting good grades in school, a moderate knowledge of surroundings and ability to reason.
What makes it even more interesting is that, by her definition, she IS smart girl herself. Which brings me to my theory that ' everyone is smart- about something or other'.
Some about money, some arts, some in science, some about taking care of the needy (children, animals, elderly, sick) while some are smart about makeup that makes them look stunning every time no matter what they wear. Its undeniable that if you are smart about something you'll, perhaps, not be smart about other things. What adds the comparative adjective to 'smart' is, my belief, an attitude.
As a simplistic example:
If you are well-read and know that write well yourself, you are smart.
If You are well-read and make the attempt at writing a book that makes even two people think that you write well, you are smarter (to your readers) than the person who knows that he/she writes well.
There is also the matter of 'choice' that plays into someone appearing smarter.
People, generally, choose to be smart about something and not about others.
Take the example of 'World issues'. Its out there- in print, on television, on the net. Some people choose to find out more while some choose the 'ignorance is bliss' attitude.
Just because someone isn't aware of the current ruling party of Palestine, doesn't mean they are not smart. Its their choice of not making themselves aware of the news that may appear to be 'not very smart'.

The flip side to all of this is the 'I know I am smarter than you because I belong to such and such profession' attitude which doesn't make anyone appear very smart. Yet we do it all the time.
"Engineers rule the world"
"The not so smart ones pick Family medicine"
"How smart do you have to be to pour coffee?"
All such remarks seem to arise from the misguided notion that your way of making money is somehow an indicator of your smartness.
In my own community I find it incredible; the length Bengali people will go, to associate themselves to a 'profession' that they think is socially accepted as 'smart', sometimes compromising their intrigity (lying about their degrees) and personal happiness("my parents want me to become a so-and-so"). And such unfounded opinions about 'smart' professions exist that, it boggles the mind.
A popular story of my father that I grew up on used to refer to his university days when he and his engineering friends mocked the medical students about their pre-exam all-nighters memorizing anatomy, pharmacology etc. "Memorization is not intelligence" was his favourite phrase thus beginning our rare arguments. Come to think of it, it might be the sole reason why I never wanted to study engineering and became exceptionally good a memorizing school work. But I was also exceptionally good in math and hence paraded as the 'not pretty but smart' second daughter. All the while my father happily encouraged my childhood dream of studying medicine. It took the man more than a decade to concede that
a) not everyone can memorize
b) being just good at memorizing is not the only thing to becoming a doctor
c) engineers are NOT the smartest people that ever walked the world
Unfortunately such egotistic views are still upheld by many current engineering students - its also one of the numerous qualities that make them such bad dates for non-engineers. But that's the topic for another post.

In the end, its not that I don't think that there aren't any 'smarter' people. There are.
Someone like Einstein perhaps- a good combo of left and right brain. A romantic scientist. Not smartest ofcourse, or he might have had the foresight to not to hand his theories to government of a country at war. But that's neither here nor there.

So where am I going with this longwinded rant?
Perhaps to find ways to prepare myself against any future accusations or even compliments beginning with " You are a smart one- convince my child to do this thing that I think is good for them". I want to refuse such pre-conceived generalizations.
Having said that, I rather die than appear dumb on purpose and stop learning something new just to get someone to like me.

Professional Baker

2006-03-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

"Oh my gawd! It DOES smell like clementines!" I exclaimed as I chowed down on my third piece of cake in the morning the other day.
"Er.. Its a Clementine Cake!", said the amused colleague of mine.

Well ofcourse.
I wonder if it is time to confess my not so secret crush on people who can bake.
Seriously. I adore and worship them. Preferably behind a table while licking my fork.
Baking is a mystery to me. I'll never understand how one can throw some eggs , butter, sugar and some innocent looking flour (which, I must stress, bear no resemblance to the final product), mix it all smooth, put it in the oven and after some mysterious amount of time, get scrumptious cakes, pastries, pies, cookies etc. And don't even get me started on the science behind why the cake doesn't taste like pie or vice versa ! What goes on behind the closed oven door none shall tell me. They don't teach it in schools. Atleast not at schools that I've attended.

"Well give it a try. Look up some recipes and make a cake. They give you all the instructions. Just follow it", they say.
Okay. Great.
So I decided to make my favourite cake, 'Double Chocolate Fudge Cake', from scratch a few years back. It didn't actually turn out bad...because I did'nt make it alone. My very competent friend was making one with me using a similar recipe. Since I'm liable to forget all about the mechanisms behind the operation of a oven other than the fact it it'll 'TRING' me when its done playing with the heat wants me to take it out; she did most of the checking up on the cake-baking process. So I was encouraged with the result and not entirely disheartened that my friend's cake tasted so much better.

Then I decided to make one for my mother's birthday. By myself. And due to time shortage it was to be an 'out-of-the-box' cake. Chocolate ofcourse. I mixed all the right ingredients and pour it into a nice pan and waited while licking up some store bought icing. I'm positive that my oven played some trick on me because when I pulled it out of the oven and served to my tired-just-returned-from-work-mom, I believe her exact words were "What is it?". It was surely not a cake or a pie. Since then, I've made several other attempts at baking much more simpler things such as cutting up the frozen Pillsbury cookie dough, place on baking tray and bake into burned crisp chocolate chip cookies or whip up some egg white+sugar combo into slightly orange looking meringue cookies and finally gave up.

It has to be the 'not knowing what the oven is doing' part of baking as opposed to cooking that's blocking my path to turning into 'Best Cake Maker In the World'. Cooking on the stove I can manage- I know what's going in, what colour its turning, what the knobs are doing and if I hvn't wandered off to look at the TV, know when its burning- basically I can trace the steps.
Not the case while baking desserts.
I'll have you know, in my young years I was good cake maker- made all kinds of cakes infact - damp mud cakes with pink Hibiscus, dry mud cupcakes with orange peel, sand cakes that just melted in water....ah good old days when you had a birthday for yourself everyday!
Anyway, its the oven business that's messing me up now. Meanwhile all my other 20 something friends are baking up a storm while knitting pink baby booties, I'm left trying to convince everyone that-
a) who the hell wants to knit when there are people out there doing it for a living. Infact, I rather slowlyl poke my own eyes with a needle than ever touch a piece of wool....etc
b) I make the best Shrimp-Coconut Curry in the world and that has GOT to count for more than making strawberry short cake !!

Ooo.... there's talk of sugar pie arriving at the office in the next couple of days.
mmmmm sugar pie.....
Yes I love people who bake.
Esp when they bake for me :D

Sometimes it writes itself..

2006-02-24T09:17:00.000-05:00

The year hasn't fared well for this blog.
With all the mounds of work I'm burried under, general laziness combined with a writer's block, I've neglected postings until I got this in my inbox.

Sigh.

Sometimes a blog post just writes itself!

*evil grin*

---------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Masud A.K.M." akmmasud007@dotdotdot.com
To: tasnuva@dotdot.com
Subject: hi tasnuva
Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 04:54:30 -0800 (PST)
hi tasnuva
i m masud.
i m 27years old male.
i m from bangladesh.
i got ur addres is google search of tasnuva pic.
can i friendship with u tasnuva.

take good care
masud

---------------------------------------------------------------
Tasnuva Hoque wrote:

no.

---------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Masud A.K.M." akmmasud007@dotdotdot.com
To: tasnuva@dotdot.com
Subject: RE: hi tasnuvaDate: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 07:11:24 -0800 (PST)
HI Tasnuva
R U Bangladeshi??
Why not friendship with u??
I think u r accomplished lady..
Plz tel me why u not accepted me??
u dont know me..??

Days of the year

2006-01-25T23:38:00.000-05:00

Resolution update:

1. Resolving to do all I did as well as spend less is BSI (bloody stupid idea).
2. New resolution: Find new ways to save.

And now for something completely different....

My current favourite days of the year, in order of favouriteness:
1. New Year's Eve
2. Halloweeen
3. All patriotic days (be the Bangladesh Independence day or Canada Day)
4. Victoria Day (coz I don't know what its for except I get a day off work when I least expect it. I forget every year that this holiday comes up! Its such a pleasant surprise when it does.)
5. All religious celebration days (FOOD!)
6. First warm day at the end of winter (usually in April)

Other celebrated days of the year that I hate to celebrate:
1. Mother's day/Father's day
2. Valentine's day
3. Friendship day
err..pretty much all the capitalist holidays telling me when to love the people in my life.

Proposals for days we should be celebrating instead of the days above:
1. Coffee invention day
2. Google's birthday
3. Microwave oven invention day
(Seriously! What did people do before these three things came into being?)
4. My nephew's birthday.....coz he is one cute kid!

*Off to try and lead an interesting day*

Look alikes?

2006-01-07T15:12:00.000-05:00

According to 'myheritage' website, this photo of mine apparently makes me similar to these people!

Oh Vanity :)

A Sunshine too Brief

The Kiss

Fringe Reviews again (part 1)

10 'Awesome' things

My writing..

Yes: March 1st-7th

Affirmitive

Who's your daddy, USA?

Speak!

The Photojournal project

Defibrillation (part 2)

Avatar Fail

Gumdrops

Defibrillation continues.

Defibrillation of this space

Two out of four isn't bad, right?

ME Meals challenge

The post where Tazzy obsesses about a TV show (again)

Things I wish I knew at 21

Success stories from Bangladesh

'In the future all books will be Blank'

A Katharine

New year's resolution (part 2)

9 random things about going into 2009

Three reviews

Spilling over

Single and content?

Chair and a Poem

YES WE CAN!

A case of Mondays

Lastpost?

Romance in 2008

Fill-in-the-blanks

Aunty again!

Read

Travel bug

Stephen Harper eats babies

Defining 'open mind'

Summer in a nutshell

Where is my party hat?

Meaning of Life

Midseason

I love

Yes you should be scared to turn 30...

Skinny

Dry spell

An ideal relationship

Friday Fours

Efficiency

*Ping*

Reading in children should be encouraged, but..

Weekend....

On Hold

Leaping

Here's me not venting

Idiot Box

Binge

68seconds in an elevator

Live updates

Feeling Bangladesh

Bangladesh after 11 years

Glass vs Mirrors

Counting down to a month from now

New purchase and rants

Homesick...again....well always

Killer Rabbit

Celebrating this space

Happiness formula

No life

More resolutions

Top 5 signs your life is not going 'so well'

Cheering up

Three more years till 2010!

Salsa in Vancouver

Two bedtime stories

Six weird things about me

High above the mountains

Holding up

Yes Mother

How to survive 5 hours on the beach on your own

Ping